i can't tell you how scared i was to hear that my amazing father was in the ER. and then it got worse, they told us it might have been a heart attack. my mind was blown because my dad is a healthy guy that eats well and works out like 6 days a week.
i felt so unbelievably helpless as i ran to be with my mom and my dad. i didn't have any deep thoughts or questions, i just thought how much i absolutely love my father. despite his awfully lame jokes, his awkward comments, his explosive personality, and his ability to embarrass me at every chance, i think he is the best freakin' dad in the world. i thought i don't tell him that i love him enough. i don't give to him as he constantly gives to me. i felt that i had nothing to offer him except be his crazy son that challenges him on everything he says. helplessnessly overwhelmed with my father's love for me, i found myself wanting. i need my dad. i need his insight. i need his wisdom. i need his passion for others and for the Lord.
everything feels like its slow motion and i am the only thing blazing forward. i hate that i don't feel that i can embrace the situation and everything God is saying. i am trusting the Lord, but i have to focus on worship, on school, on everything else and all i want to do is sit on the couch with my dad and know that all is well in the world. hanging with my poppy, my pops, my pache. kissing on his buzzed head and hugging him like a bear.
jesus, thank you for giving grace to my family and the bigger realization of your love for me through my dad.
on the technical side of things, dad had a 99% blockage in one of the arteries in the back of his heart. every other artery was completely fine. just that one. the docs said that basically he got the ER before any damage could really be done to his heart. he is going to have to take it easy as they put a shunt in that artery. he is currently in ICU being closely monitored and tomorrow will probably be moved to a regular room. we hope he can come home on saturday. great thing...no longtime or short term heart damage.
just keep praying for us and our church family.
love you all.
slowing motion.
- peaks out.
"all will be well" by gabe dixon band is on repeat.
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