a whisp of smoke.

last night my beautiful and unbelievably amazing mother made a comment to me that has been sitting in my gut. i haven’t really known what to do with it since last night and it has been bothering me. she said, “you’re bored aren’t you?”

let me set the stage a little bit. i’ve had one of the best worst years. there have been soaring heights and plunging depths. it seems that the weekend might’ve highlighted some of those shadowy depths. due to the cynicism of my lows i’ve been seeing things pretty negatively as of late, and last week basically set my life in an orientation of jadedness. so basically, i’ve been kinda blase’ about life.

now i know that this apathy is not the way to live. it has been hard to be in this place knowing that there’s another way. unfortunately, i really was not seeing a way out. then by the urge of my gut (perhaps a nudge of the Spirit), i picked up my Bible, which had been collecting dust for about a month, and cracked it open to everyone’s favorite book, Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes? yes that book which seems to be the origin of the “emo” culture. The writer, mysteriously known as the “Qoheleth” (Preacher/Teacher/Quester) was quite the whining, feely, apathetic individual. Traditionally scholars think it was Solomon, so we’ll just go with that. So this udderly wise Solomon basically couldn’t use his own wisdom on his life. so instead he was snarkey and melodramatic about the world. i so wish that i wasn’t able to identify with him. the crazy thing is that i have read only the first chapter there has been a great move in my soul. last night it was mom’s comment was the eureka for my current situation.

after reading the first chapter of that contemplative existential diary, i realized something. the writer was being rather extreme, but ultimately he wanted something more. things looked cyclical and mundane, but he wanted something more. and i must say that although i am not “emo” enough to whine about the winds never changing, i have wanted something more. the crazy thing is that if i would have been writing a journal the last few months, it might have looked like a copy and paste of Ecclesiastes.

the redemption in all of this craziness is that even though Solomon talks about our lives being like a whisp of smoke, there was something in the subtext that was reminding us that we are more than smoke. we are “under the sun” as the book says. we are riding the curl of that smoky whisp knowing that even if life is short, we’ve been exhaled by something greater than the monotony, something alive and exciting.

so the answer to my mom’s question was yeah, i’m bored with all “this,” but today my response has taken a different shape. i submit that yeah, i could be bored with all this, but instead i am choosing to be enamored by the mystery of how my smoky existence dances, curls, and rises from the mouth of an awesome life breathing God. even if i am a whisp of smoke. he breathed me and i’m his smoke ring in the world.

Moving from Isolation to Understanding Part 3.

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

well unfortunately i couldn’t get to part 3 yesterday, so here it is. if you don't remember, i spoke that moving from isolation to understanding was a choice, and friggin’ hard one at that. now i want to take a little time to talk about the second verse.

well, i will say honestly, as a person who has valued academics my entire life, seeing myself as a fool was brutal. but in accordance with the first verse, i am a fool. a fool is one of the strongest insults in Scripture; and foolishness and godliness never coexist. i found myself insulted by Scripture calling me a fool, then i realized that i am not as “godly” as i wish i was.

as a professional fool, i have let the expression of my own opinion become paramount to every conversation. in high school, i always wanted the right answer. i always wanted to debate and argue and fight with everyone about everything. i still retain some of these tendencies, but normally only when i am in "isolation mode." see, when i am by myself, who do i talk to and argue with, but myself? some of this self-dialogue is good to work out thoughts, but when it transpires in community, let’s just say that everyone gets hurt.

i once heard a great man say, “just because i have an opinion doesn’t mean i have the right to voice it.” it does not matter if i have all the right answers and all of academia is behind me. am i willing to place knowledge in front of relationship? will i allow my opinion to cause condescension or others to be hurt by my strong convictions? it is interesting that Jesus had strong convictions but he didn’t coerce others to buy into them. we don’t have to fight with others to find validation, worth, or recognition.

i ask many of these questions due to being in university for the 3rd time now. since being so inundated with school. honestly, i could easily be satisfied with only having books as friends. i admit this very hesitantly, but both in high school and most of my life growing up, my books were my friends. Or rather the characters in them were these friends. i fell in love with cosette, juliet, wendy, esmeralda, cora, and isobel (izzy). i was best pals with quasimodo, peter pan, aramis, natty bumppo, and of course, peter hatcher. my world has often been in the world of books and not in reality. i can argue with the book and they not argue back. but people, they are not that simple. despite the simplicity of books, i do not wish to remain in that place of un-reality, nor do i wish to retain the title of a fool.

this first hit me as a freshman small group leader at Liberty U. (PL for those who speak "Libertyese"). i was very “knowledgeable” of Scripture, which i guess lead my leadership on my hall to choose this heady freshmen to lead a group of guys. i kept thinking, "God, i don’t know how to do this." i was worried every week that i wouldn’t say the right thing or that i would just push them away with my thoughts.

then God taught me something in Jn. 13. he loved his own until the end. i decided that people had to be the most important thing in my life. and i exchanged my former friends for people like joe, jordan, bernie, josh, chris, marcus, eric, and others form dorm 6. as i began to attempt to love these people, i found that caring about them was the most important thing. “people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” (John Maxwell). Stephen Covey said it like this: “seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” these two thoughts empowered by Jn. 13 blew my mind on how to live life.

this verse is an echo of these experiences for me. it reminds me that no matter how hard it is to be with people, that they matter more than anything. not just knowing them, but understanding them. to understand them, i have ask penetrating questions like: “what did that feel like?” or maybe, “why did you react like that?” these questions tell them, i do not want to just know their story, but i want to know the interpretation of their story.

understanding takes open ears and and open heart. i must weep with those who weep, celebrate with those who are joyful, and otherwise allow my emotions to be involved in knowing them. i know everyone bashes emotions, but i think that emotions reveal the truth in a very real way. this is why i cry when i laugh hard and more so when there is a loss. or why some punch holes in walls or curse at people (and sometimes God). my sense of reality is communicated by emotions.

understanding means that i am willing to do whatever it takes to figure the person out. it’s so covenantal. it’s like God saying, i know that in order for you to get this, i am going to have to send my son to experience this life so that you know i have experienced life so we may have mutual understanding. i mean isn’t that the point? i understand that God wants relationship and God understands how messed up i am without Him. understanding is like where the sphere of my life intersects with the sphere of someone else’s. those spheres then fuse together and share some sort of commonality. i want to live in that place. Martin Buber calls this place of shared relationship, dialogue. He also says that it is the truest way of life.

i look at Jesus and i see him talking to the woman at the well, understanding her completely. i see him always asking and probing those around him. i see him extending his sphere to others so that they can connect. the subtext of Scripture reveals him embracing understanding in all of his journey. my favorite is when he speaks to the men on Emmaus and he basically says, "have you not even attempted to understand me with all of the law and the prophets?" and then he explains himself. i find Jesus taking pleasure in knowing people are knowing him.

i love that in hebrew and greek, there can be dual meanings in the word “to know.” in some ways it means gaining knowledge, but often it also means being intimate (sometimes even with sexual connotation). i find myself asking if my dialogue is to know people or just to express my thoughts.

all this to say, that i believe the principle thing is understanding. acts 2 speaks powerfully of the work of the Spirit and it says that they spoke in other tongues, but that all that heard them were able to understand. i just wonder if the Spirit would light upon our lives in such a way that we lived with understanding, instead of coercing others to agree with us.

understanding takes me beyond isolation and sets me in the context of relationship. to be able to make connections with others not just on the tangible, but the intangible level will be indicative of a wise one. i want to understand and be wise and embrace the community and its judgments. even more so, i want to understand Jesus and be listening for his voice, looking for his face, grasping for his hand, so that i will be different. he understands me. and he understands you. and since i am hearing his voice, seeing his face, grasping his hand, he teaches me the knowledge of himself, which speaks and says, i’m not the only one he loves and understands. he understand and loves you. and therefore, i want to love you too. so i pledge to move from isolation to understanding, not because i am commendable, but because i am in him and being in him means being with you.

-peaks out.

Moving from Isolation to Understanding Part 2

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

so i ended my thoughts with selfishness, which is where isolation leads every time. seeking your own desire, takes no consideration for anyone else on the planet. unfortunately, i am not alone. i am involved with a community that has weight on how things should and should not be done. to my great surprise i realized something- without my community, there is little that i would know how to do, function, and even interact.

then comes the next verse to extrapolate on this thought of needing others. here i find myself in the company of fools, which is never easy to say, but it is true. there are many times that in my isolation i could care less about what my community says or thinks. instead i think that my ideas and thoughts are better than the majority of the world. in this moment i find myself in a pretty low place. my arrogance and pride is exposed and my godlike complex flourishes like a weed in a bed of roses.

i know that whether i mean to or not i manifest a godlike complex where i think the world revolves me. if i am god, then you know what, i don’t care about you or your life. thank goodness our God is not like us. if i am the center of the universe why would i try to understand you? why would i extend to you? why would i do anything but propagate my perspective on the world.

that was a few scary paragraphs to write, as i see the utter depravity of myself in it. thankfully, i have a choice in this situation. i do not have to live that way. i do not have to isolate myself. i do not have to be a fool. i do not have to express my opinion. i can choose understanding. i can choose community. i can choose wisdom. i can chose to care. i can choose to not be god. this comes as a huge relief to me. in the midst of the depravity, the truth confessed brings an understanding and experience of wholeness to my life, salvation, redemption, restoration (Jam 5.16).

Undoubtedly, this reversing of the way i want to live life is not easy. as i have forementioned, relationship is hard, community is harder, and selflessness is a task that is impossible without help from Jesus himself. to even train yourself to stop expressing your thoughts about everything and instead listening to others is a challenge. however, if you will stop and listen. i think you will begin to find a tenderness in yourself. you hear, listen, and then make a connection. some person you run across seems to be more different from you in every way, and then all of a sudden, you listen and see that they are just like you.

so it’s a choice, and only you can make it for yourself.

more to come on what is the result of moving from isolation to understanding.

-peaks out.

Moving from Isolation to Understanding Pt 1.

well it’s been about a week and a half that i have been pondering this tiny portion of Scripture; however, i just can’t shake it out of my spirit. let me begin by saying that i haven’t liked proverbs for years and don’t really have a good reason why, except maybe i thought that its pithy axioms about life were lower on the totem pole than the depths of the narratives of Scripture. well i was wrong, big time.

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

when i read this verse i was blown away. i can’t remember the last time Scripture spoke to me in such a candid way. i felt like Jesus himself whispered between the rustling of the pages. like i said, i have been just chewing on this thing wondering to myself what God is communicating to me. then it hit me - a move from isolation to understanding.

now for some, this is going to sound strange coming from me, but here’s some honesty: i don’t like being around people. i know many think that i am super relational or something, but i’m not. i have “trained” myself to be relational because i believe with all my heart that relationships are the principal thing in this universe, and more importantly, in our faith.

you can imagine that as i read this passage condemning my love for isolation, i was humbled by my guilt. honestly, i haven’t been too relational for a few weeks. i’ve been ebbing and flowing, so some haven’t noticed. and then i also isolated myself during that time.

anyways, the verse starts off by saying “whoever.” this immediately caused a sigh of relief as i realized, i am not alone in this struggle. we are all susceptible to the grim power of isolation. the word “isolation” here is not merely just being by oneself, although that is encompassed in the word. it also has hints of “being reclusive or divisive.”

when i read that, i was floored. reclusive…divisive…isolated…these are volatile words with nasty ramifications. reclusivity is probably my niche due to my ability to get overly obsessed with something and will focus solely on that one thing and nonething else.

divisive was bothersome, because this moved my thinking from simply thinking isolation is about you, to realizing its chain reaction towards others. division brings separation and separation negates relationship. when i isolate myself, i seek my desire and nothing else or noone else. that doesn’t sound like Scripture’s teaching concerning us all being members of one body.

the verse continues to say that an isolationist “breaks out against all sound judgment” here “breaks out” can sometimes mean “to make bare or uncover.” at first i thought how can you both of those ideas. then i thought well if i were to challenge or break away from the covering of sound wisdom/council - or as I think in this context - the community, then i would be revealing my true self to that body i was part of. my true self which is utterly selfish.

selfishness - the very antithesis of Christ’s life and example. i have been having serious dilemma thinking about how my tendency to withdraw from others leads to a self-serving and self-pleasing life, unlike my Savior’s.

this is getting long, so i will finish tomorrow….verse 2 to come.

-peaks out.

the shallows.

so for about a week now i have been living as what i call "the shallows." "the shallows" means that i have been enjoying the frivolities and superficialities of life. this is not the bad "superficial" when we say that someone is being materialistic. i'm more talking about superficial as meaning the surface of a thing. perhaps like a wall with etchings on its surface, like an engraving.

nonetheless, that has been home for me for a bit. the first few days i kept thinking that there was something wrong with living in this "surface" place. and i corrected myself. i don't think it is profitable to remain in the shallows forever, however, i do think it is nice to visit them. so i have been enjoying my visit. this "shallow place" was incredible in the last few weeks. the shallows have been much like tidal pools that develop in the northwest shoreline. these tidal pools are inhabited by sundry species of most intriguing nature. now sure, they might not be the wonders of the deep ocean with enormous whales and coral reefs, but in those tide pools you get a glimpse of the rest of the ocean world.

i have been getting a glimpse of a world that enjoys the trends and the passing pools of today, and i will admit something that is hard for me to admit to: i absolutely am obsessed with these shallows. i am like a kid waking every morning to see what kinds of things are the in shallows today. like what are the new songs on top 40 radio, what tv shows are the rave, what's peoples takes on celebritydom, fashion, movies, cuisine, etc.

my favorite author recently discussed about why twitter is so great and he explained that these surface conversations are like portals to the world of the other person. these surfaces might be just enough to swallow you into their depths. knowing these facts and thoughts of others will probably never win me a game of trivial pursuit, but it has been well worth it.

i have been swallowed and have almost felt like i enjoyed a journey to a strange new world. i must admit, i have come back from there two days ago due to one conversation. it feels good to be in my typical world of depth and feeling "overwhelmed" (which i love) by the complexity and sheer size of my world, but i caught myself a few times today not enjoying my conversation about the last movie my coworker watched or what kind of breakfast my friends enjoyed. cheers to the shallows. i shall visit again.

proverbs 27.19 (MSG) - just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.

-peaks out.

brand.

so like a month ago, my best told me about how he was doing this mad cool project where they like “brand” each other in his small group. so he basically challenged me to “brand” him. i was kinda uncertain about it all, then i realize that we brand people by nature anyways. we call them things like “freak, weird, geek, jock, etc.” instead of utilizing these random safe phrases, i attempted to think of a better metaphor for my bro. so i have been thinking about my “brand” and was very curious about what kind of branding would be given to me. since this seems very elusive i will try to help you out.

when i branded a friend lately, i called them a “rancher.” they are the kind of person who can round up a group of individuals, point them in the right direction and guide them there. they are able to be a brander to those they are leading for their stature and their leadership calls them to do such. people much like cattle need to be lead and guided by someone who cares for them. that is my friend. he is kind and yet firm. his visioneering always takes people to a place where they are refreshed, like a rancher who does whatever it takes to get his cows to greener pasturers and cooler water. oh yeah and a rancher isn’t ‘fraid to rope the cow in and prod them when they are stubborn.

hopefully that helped in understanding “branding.” please encouarage those who love you deeply and care for you to challenge you by branding you. i would invite those who would like to brand me to speak into my life. thanks. remember branding is not just what you see the person doing, but also what they could be.

-peaks out.

Drews & Claires

so i was kinda inspired by my brother to blog again, and he didn't even know it. so thanks nickley. i will start off by saying that to understand this post, you might have to watch the movie Elizabethtown like 50+ times which means once more that I have watched it.

currently, life is in a state of evaluation. i am evaluating everything, pondering things said, introspectively calculating decisions made, thinking incessantly about the typical things: God, life, love, family, friends, jobs, school, future, past, present, you know the normal stuff. so far my meanderings in my mind have been inconclusive to say the least. i don't really know what i think about some of these topics. in some ways i am in a state of impasse. i am not sure how i should feel or what i should feel about said topics. am i supposed to love my work everyday? should i will myself to call old friends? can i be open and honest with family? am i being selfish? do i even know what love is? can God feel closer to me? are the promises of God yes and amen? will my future be greater than my past? will i be the man i want to be? or the man God wants me to be? are my aspirations focused on my will or God's? etc. etc. etc.

in many ways, i feel that i am Drew Baylor, living in Elizabethtown far from home, knowing that i am living in the failure of my plan that sank like the Titanic (Drew's Spasmotica Shoes). many have seen this movie and either love it or hate it, but i am one of the ones that finds myself mirroring that film, as i live my life. my life often feels like a funeral. it always seems that i am burying things or having death surprise me, especially in a strange place, encountering bizarre situations and even more bizarre people. this mostly leads to feeling overwhelmed by it all. i find myself quoting the movie as it speaks in some kind of comfort language that is my native tongue. but if Drew were left to himself, it wouldn't be a good story.

the beauty of this movie (and my life) is that God often brings me to a place of deep melancholy where crazy things are occurring and my life is spinning out of control. i am just frustrated on so many levels that he places crazy people like Claire in my situation. these Claire's are those people who have experienced such things and want to love you through it. the people who want to talk to you from sundown til sunrise. the people who make you mixed CDs with their favorite low and high songs. the people who "you can never forget but are impossible to remember." those people are the ones that get you through it all. they are beautiful, considerate, caring, and lovely in every way. they are the sages of suck. the magi of mayhem. the wisemen of wackness. these people just always know what to say, how to say it and have the authority and power to change everything in your perspective. Claires are your hope. they remind you that "we are intrepid, we go on." i guess all that to say is that i have been lacking some Claire-moments. but even though they have been absent, i know they are coming. my life has often played out where Claires showed up in the last moment, but they came. so i am waiting on the Claire.

i guess really i am waiting on God. he's the best version of Claire possible. he basically does all the things she does but perfectly. so i guess right now, he and i are taking a roadtrip, listening to a few of his favorite tunes, both of celebration and lament, rocking in the depth of feelings, having the wind blow the stank off me, being closer to him than i have ever felt, dancing in the forest, and finding him echoed in the people and places i come across. i've probably only been driving for a few hundred miles, maybe i should go a little further and see what he has in store at the World's 2nd Largest Flea Market. maybe he'll meet me face to face.

Comfort.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in my affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." - 2 Cor 1.3-4

this verse has basically been ruling my life since Tuesday. i find myself somehow always running back to it in conversations with people. it has been extremely applicable to many people's lives including my own. i love when God reveals that you have been missing out on what he has always wanted for you. this verse is one of those times that has breathed freshness in my perspective about affliction and comforting others. 

generally, i have bought into this idea that comfort has to do with accommodations and to be frank, fluffy pillows. thus comfort is something to be bought or bargained for. this kind of comfort is never enough, it barely soothes the people afflicted and must continued endless to "meet the needs." however, my study of comfort has a much more valuable balm to offer in that it is a secret to long term peace and wholeness about life's difficulties. 

comfort comes from the Latin word fortis (tipped hat to Boss Sharpie), which literally means brave. i found that to be intriguing to say the least. to comfort someone has the idea of coming along side of them so they are brave. i then went to the Greek for more specificity. The Greek word was paraklesis, which is literally "a calling near." however, it has been appropriated to mean a "strengthening, a helping, or empowering." i found myself blown away that comfort really has to do with making someone braver, stronger, and powerful, rather than patting them on the back and saying it will be okay. 

the key to me would seem to be the responder to that calling near. i love that this passage resonates the relationship with God being the empowerer of our lives in the difficult times and by doing so, he empowers us to do the same in other's lives. our role in the earth is to minister to people giving to them the incredible strength and courage to live their lives for the Lord. reminding them that it is only in the weakness and affliction of our lives that God can make his strength complete and mature in us. 

the impetus behind this comfort is mentioned in Philippians 2.1, where right before he describes the mind of Christ he speaks of the comfort that one can find from love. Love is the force that drives us to comfort those in need and to make brave those who are in tough places. Love becomes the reasoning and the motivation to all we do, whether it is weeping with people to show our shared life or it is speaking truth to them to deal with the issues at hand. Love is the principle thing if you are going to be a comforter like God is a comforter. 

comfort. encourage. strengthen. make bold. love. 

sounds like a challenge to us to know how we are to help those in need. bolstering instead of band-aiding. 

- peaks out. 

Top 5 Books

today, i asked my discipler the question of what were his top five books. he gave me a few, but told me he would work on it. my seriously joking side told him, "it should be a blog topic." he readily agreed. after that, i knew that i must also contribute to this topic. thus, here are my favorite five. i will say this as a disclaimer: all of these books deserve healthy conversation and thinking of the concepts and none of them are without flaw. 

Genre of Spiritual/Philosophical Literature

1. Understanding People by Larry Crabb

2. Out of the Question...Into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet

3. I & Thou by Martin Buber//God & Man by H.H. Farmer

4. In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen

5. Proper Confidence: Faith, Doubt & Certainty in Christian Discipleship by Lesslie Newbigin

Genre of Fiction

1. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

3. The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

4. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

5. The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare

Way too many others to mention. But this is a start.

- peaks out. 

my disciplers top two were: 

1. The New Reformation by Greg Ogden

2. Generation to Generation by Edwin Friedman

imago Dei Worship & Arts Conference

A conference for worshippers and worship leaders who desire to experience God in a powerful way. This year we will be focusing on creating a place for God to come in our worship. Concepts discussed will include: declaring the word, unity, holiness, concentricity. 

There will be general sessions, worship times, and breakout sessions. 

The speakers will be: 
Dr. Antipas Harris, Regent University, VA Beach, VA
Pastor Josh Kiefer, Living Word, Greene, NY

Worship Leader: 
Ricky Hilton, Calvary Church, Johnson City, TN
Contact: Jason Peaks for any other information. 

SCHEDULE:
Thursday, April 23
7pm - General Session

Friday, April 24
9am - General Session
11am - Breakout Session
12pm - Lunch Provided
7pm - General Session 

Saturday, April 25
9am - General Session
11am - Breakout Sessions
12pm - Lunch Break

The conference is FREE! There will be food provided for conference attendees after the evening meals and for lunch on Friday and Saturday! Please register at www.odcsuffolk.org/worship . Thanks!

A few thoughts to ponder...

so I have just recently tried to start keeping a moleskine with me at all time in sundry sizes nonetheless. basically i thought to myself, it would behoove me to just jot down things that i am pondering or gleaning through. i decided that since i haven't the time to dictate the contents of the book i will one day pen, i would share my ramblings of my head. i hope you enjoy and you begin to think deeply about the beauty of the swirling madness of life. 

1. the incarnation - it is consistently in my head, as God kinda spoke it as my theme for the year - the concept of bodying the life of Christ and allowing the dwelling of God to be manifest.

2. circles - why does it seem that circles are always showing up in my life? i am always intrigued by spheres (3d circles) and how circles often reveal a reciprocity about life and so much so that i have thought why most arenas are circles (or modified circles), waves are made up of 2 halves of circles, etc. it gets crazy, but what the biggest point is what is the center of that circle, for it is that center that everything is orbiting about. what's your circle creating in the midst of your life? 

3. a lion in a pit on a snowy day - Benaiah - David's mighty men - my mom's mantra right now - i think of it as a picture of insurmountable odds and yet the risk of victory appeared. 

4. life is a journey, not a process - recently came to light in my father's sermon about meeting with the Lord. albeit that i know that a journey is a process, think about process as being more of the shredding and adding the filler in your life as in process foods. journey presents a rather more hopeful outlook on life (or at least that's dad's never ceasing optimism coming to play). 

5. being with someone - what does that look like? can you be with something just because of proximity? is conversation the indicator? it is something special and selected? or is it something random and unexpected? the only conclusion here is that it is intentional. 

6. in need. i don't know why we don't live life this way. too often we are too prideful and too isolated to ask for a hand or to explain our situation to someone. take a few and tell people why you need them. it will make a world of difference to know that you are not superperson. 

7. encounter. what does it look like to encounter God? i just want God to do something crazy. crazy good that is. expectancy for an encounter. 

8. "the oneness of togetherness" - "life together, way better" 

9. charismatic scholasticism. why must my theological camp have so few intellects that are founded in theology and strong teaching. i desire both the experience and the beliefs to frame the beautiful picture of God that I am enjoying. 

10. comfort - what is it? interesting that it has come up in 2 of my devotional readings - 2 Cor. 1 & Philippians 2.1 - i don't think that comfort is just a pillow for our head or an ice pack for our soreness. there is something invigorating about comfort, something brave, something fortifying. i wonder what we've missed about comfort and us being connected to the God of all Comfort. 

that's it for now. respond to any if you'd like. 

-peaks out.

Word.

This has been an interesting couple weeks for me. Things have been going so unbelievably well. God is ordering so many things in my life that I am amazed. However, in the midst of these wonderful moments I have for some reason been unable to really dive into the Word. I suppose it is largely due to the fact that I have been pursuing scholasticism and had began to suck the life out of the Word because I was analyzing and critically thinking it to death. As ashamed as I am about this predicament, I have found that in my "murdering" of Scripture by my red pen marks and highlighter trails has caused something incredible to occur. Instead of trying to keep my thinking about Scripture stayed on my perspective, I just let it "die." However, in that "death" I realized something. The Word doesn't die and even when it seems like it is dead, give is about three days and watch the Resurrection that changed the world. That is what I am finding today - resurrection in my life. My separation from the Word caused my loss of the life giving power of the Word, and thus I rendered myself dead. But strangely I found that as I asked God to help me as I approached the Word, I was rejuvenated. I found so much power in the words of the Word. Immediately I realized that the Word is so connected with Jesus, in fact it is called Jesus a few times in the Bible - so if I divorce myself from the Word, I divorce myself from Jesus, who is everything. I love that God totally spoke to this last night in small group and I was reminded the necessity of getting in the Word not to know with our heads but to know relationally. Knowing the Word is getting to know Jesus, since the book is about revealing him to the earth. I encourage you to get in the Word. He'll blow your mind with how he speaks. 

- peaks out. 

just a thought...about metanarratives...

metanarratives have been lost in our society and in our cultural. i know this isn't a common term for most. the best way i can explain it is that a metanarrative is about the "larger story" that our lives are really about. instead of buying into the quality of the whole,  we tend to submit to the smaller in-between-the lines-text of our selfish existence. how unfortunate is this for both our lives, our churches, our world? this is the death of purpose. the inward thinking of our society has lead to the pursuit of our stuff, our desires, our wants, and our satisfaction. but how can we neglect the world and its aches, hurts, and slavery? if we begin to neglect these people, what else have we neglected? i submit that we have missed love. we have missed truth. we have missed wholeness. we have missed Jesus. note that Jesus consistently pursued the greater missio Dei (mission of God). he is constantly in communication with the Father, regulating his situation and submitting to the command of the Father. let's just begin to think about how often that his personal story was shadowed by the story of redemption that the Father set forth from the beginning in Gen. 3.15. what if we did the same? submitted to the thelema Theou (will of God) at every thought, action, and decision...wait, even every relationship. i believe that this is the key of the metanarrative. that is relationship and love. it is dripping from every page of Scripture and every wound that Jesus bore. Jn. 13.1 says that Jesus "loved them to the end." this does not mean that he loved them until he died. it means that he loved them to the end of time, to their completion, to their ultimate result. later in that passage, Jesus sums up the metanarrative so poignantly. he says, "a new commandment i give to you, that you love one another, just as i have loved you, you also are to love one another. by this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." (Jn. 13.34-35) i was recently reading a book that  was discussing this very idea. the book is The Three Hardest Words by Leonard Sweet and it is about the words "I Love You." Here's what he says about metanarratives and love: "If the metanarrative is about anything, it's about live. And more specifically, it's about love as the form and function of life. To put life and love in their necessary context, the metanarrative tells us not only who we are, but also who everyone else is - helping us understand and live well in relationship with the 'other'...It is the story of "I love you" like no other love story. (p. 24)

so i dare you live in metanarrative and not "subtext" (as Sweet calls it), where we are function and living in love and not in selfishness and anthropocentricity. our philosophy should be as Cameron Crowe's epic film Elizabethtown says concerning life and failure. "Loving life, loving you" is the only way to live. 

-peaks out.

encarnacion!

"encarnacio-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hon....i love when Jack Black sings this powerful word in Spanish in the film Nacho Libre. incarnation is not exactly what he was singing. regardless, it keeps it in my memory's grasp. 

for this year, i really sensed as i prayed for this year that God spoke very clearly about this being a year of incarnation. i know that seems mystical and elusive, but really it literally means 'in the flesh.' or for some reason my mind thinks about carne being meat, so i thought, hmm, the incarnation - in the meat. what does that even mean? i don't even know. just go with it. 

nonetheless, i digress. my thoughts on the incarnation was spurred by an excellent essay by Lesslie Newbigin called Proper Confidence, which i reviewed for my hermeneutics class last semester. it truly is a must read. as i was telling my best friend about both this book and the concept of manifesting the concepts of the traditions of Christ's followers, he told me about reading a quote from Henri Nouwen. I thought it was appropriate,

"...There is so much fear, so much distance, so much generalization, and so little real listening, speaking, and absolving that not much true sacramentality can be expected.

How can priests or ministers feel really loved and cared for when they have to hide their own sins and failings from the people to whom they minister and run off to a distant stranger to receive a little comfort and consolation?  How can people truly care for their shepherds and keep them faithful to their sacred task when they do not know them and so cannot deeply love them?  I am not at all surprised that so many ministers and priests suffer immensely from deep emotional loneliness, frequently feel a great need for affectivity and intimacy, and sometimes experience a deep-seated guilt and shame in front of their own people.  Often they seem to say, 'What if my people knew how I really feel, what I think and daydream about, and where my mind wanders when I am sitting by myself in my study?'

It is precisely the men and women who are dedicated to spiritual leadership who are easily subject to very raw carnality.  The reason for this is that they do not know how to live the truth of the Incarnation.  They separate themselves from their own concrete community, try to deal with their needs by ignoring them or satisfying them in distant or anonymous places, and then experience an increasing split between their own most private inner world and the good news they announce.  When spirituality becomes spiritualization, life in the body becomes carnality.  When ministers and priests live their ministry mostly in their heads and relate to the Gospel as a set of valuable ideas to be announced, the body quickly takes revenge by screaming loudly for affection and intimacy.  Christian leaders are called to live the Incarnation, that is, to live in the body, not only in their own bodies but also in the corporate body of the community, and to discover there the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Confession and forgiveness are precisely the disciplines by which spiritualization and carnality can be avoided and true incarnation lived.  Through confession, the dark powers are taken out of their carnal isolation, brought into the light, and made visible to the community.  through forgiveness, they are disarmed and dispelled and a new integration between body and spirit is made possible." - In the Name of Jesus (pp 65-68)

I don't believe I can add a whole lot to that. 

-peaks out. 

house or home...

so i was with this amazing friend of mine last tuesday. he's one of those guys you like to do about anything with, work, talk, drink coffee, etc. so as we were hanging out, we were "removed" from the local coffee shop for they were closing, so we went on a drive. we drove all around my quaint town and for some reason started talking about houses. largely due to him remodeling this old home he is currently dwelling. nonetheless, we went to my favorite part of town, where all the "rich" folk live. 

the area is called riverview and it is a lovely place. the best part about it is that all the houses are completely unique. you can tell that different homes were built at different times, for different kinds of people, and even in very unique styles. you have the tudor mansion sitting right next to a colonial masterpiece with its opulent columns, which is adjunct to a late 70s art deco home that has more angles than a geometry textbook. as we discussed my love of architecture, we just reveled in the craftsmanship of these homes, pointing out dorian columns, keystone artistry, and sumptuous foyers that were seen through massive windows every home we gazed.  

the funny thing was that the day before as i was waiting to eat grecian food with a new friend, i traversed another of my favorite places - ghent. as i drove through riverview, i immediately resonated the same sentiments as i meandered the ghentonian neighborhoods. there was uniqueness overwhelming me in each home. i was able to see the time period and recognize even the people who lived in these homes as i glimpsed through the windows for further insight into their lives. both of these places are "historic," however, their historicity was not bound, it randomly had a "not" in their patterns of home style for each street. i was amazed to see a house that was royal blue. not that faded blue that you find in most kitchens but a blue so vivid that all i could think was of peacock's and their color palette. i was so intrigued by these houses. 

and then something hit me. what makes a house a home. what is a house? my thought was a house is merely an edifice that holds people for when they do not occupy their work. and then i thought, when you walk into a house, you don't say, "wow, this feels 'housey,' you say, this feels 'homey.' " why? because a home is a place that people don't merely stay, but it is where they live. a home is a place that invites and welcomes and extends and comforts. it a house that hugs. it makes you feel cared for and loved. and then God just blew my mind. 

people are like houses. we are all unique, we are all styled, we are all aged. we are edifices that hold things and guard things, or merely occupy a space. none of us are exactly the same, we are all unique, but in that uniqueness our houses are telling people different things. some houses have 4 foot walls around them. some homes don't have windows. some homes only have one door. in that same regard, people are the same way. we have walls, we don't let everyone in, we make people relate to us only through the door of our choice, etc. but then i looked back to those houses. 

the ones i wanted to go in, where the ones that were open for all to see. they were the ones with the huge windows, they are the ones that you could see the art on their walls, their huge furniture, their books, their tvs, and their kitchens. the ones that were inviting were the ones that were truly homes. so now as people are, how are we being homey and inviting? or are we houses that have never been called homey? have we failed to let others in because we are selfish and are fearful of what they might say or do in our house? or maybe they will want to come to secured places and we don't want them to. 

my heart was challenged as i thought that i often am probably not as homey as i should be. i still pull a house on people and make them stand from the street to engage in my life. then i thought of Jesus in the upper room discourse and how he said, i go to prepare a place for you. or in other words, i go to make my father's house homey for you. jesus shows that in our relationships we should be as the early church and be people who are hospitable. not just merely in the natural sense of our homes, but of our lives. how are we inviting and caring and warm towards those that we come in contact with. do people want to be let into our homes? or do they sense our cold house and decided to not tread on the "no trespassing" sign we have plastered on the door to our hearts. 

what if we opened our lives to others, not merely for others, but for the benefit of us as well. everyone knows that when a house is not lived it, it will fall apart. i wonder how many people are falling apart because no one has been sitting on their heart's couch. 

i want to open my doors and welcome people into my house. so that my house may become a home for both others and for Jesus. when's the last time you invited someone over? i plan to do so today. 

- peaks out.