Moving from Isolation to Understanding Part 3.

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

well unfortunately i couldn’t get to part 3 yesterday, so here it is. if you don't remember, i spoke that moving from isolation to understanding was a choice, and friggin’ hard one at that. now i want to take a little time to talk about the second verse.

well, i will say honestly, as a person who has valued academics my entire life, seeing myself as a fool was brutal. but in accordance with the first verse, i am a fool. a fool is one of the strongest insults in Scripture; and foolishness and godliness never coexist. i found myself insulted by Scripture calling me a fool, then i realized that i am not as “godly” as i wish i was.

as a professional fool, i have let the expression of my own opinion become paramount to every conversation. in high school, i always wanted the right answer. i always wanted to debate and argue and fight with everyone about everything. i still retain some of these tendencies, but normally only when i am in "isolation mode." see, when i am by myself, who do i talk to and argue with, but myself? some of this self-dialogue is good to work out thoughts, but when it transpires in community, let’s just say that everyone gets hurt.

i once heard a great man say, “just because i have an opinion doesn’t mean i have the right to voice it.” it does not matter if i have all the right answers and all of academia is behind me. am i willing to place knowledge in front of relationship? will i allow my opinion to cause condescension or others to be hurt by my strong convictions? it is interesting that Jesus had strong convictions but he didn’t coerce others to buy into them. we don’t have to fight with others to find validation, worth, or recognition.

i ask many of these questions due to being in university for the 3rd time now. since being so inundated with school. honestly, i could easily be satisfied with only having books as friends. i admit this very hesitantly, but both in high school and most of my life growing up, my books were my friends. Or rather the characters in them were these friends. i fell in love with cosette, juliet, wendy, esmeralda, cora, and isobel (izzy). i was best pals with quasimodo, peter pan, aramis, natty bumppo, and of course, peter hatcher. my world has often been in the world of books and not in reality. i can argue with the book and they not argue back. but people, they are not that simple. despite the simplicity of books, i do not wish to remain in that place of un-reality, nor do i wish to retain the title of a fool.

this first hit me as a freshman small group leader at Liberty U. (PL for those who speak "Libertyese"). i was very “knowledgeable” of Scripture, which i guess lead my leadership on my hall to choose this heady freshmen to lead a group of guys. i kept thinking, "God, i don’t know how to do this." i was worried every week that i wouldn’t say the right thing or that i would just push them away with my thoughts.

then God taught me something in Jn. 13. he loved his own until the end. i decided that people had to be the most important thing in my life. and i exchanged my former friends for people like joe, jordan, bernie, josh, chris, marcus, eric, and others form dorm 6. as i began to attempt to love these people, i found that caring about them was the most important thing. “people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care” (John Maxwell). Stephen Covey said it like this: “seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” these two thoughts empowered by Jn. 13 blew my mind on how to live life.

this verse is an echo of these experiences for me. it reminds me that no matter how hard it is to be with people, that they matter more than anything. not just knowing them, but understanding them. to understand them, i have ask penetrating questions like: “what did that feel like?” or maybe, “why did you react like that?” these questions tell them, i do not want to just know their story, but i want to know the interpretation of their story.

understanding takes open ears and and open heart. i must weep with those who weep, celebrate with those who are joyful, and otherwise allow my emotions to be involved in knowing them. i know everyone bashes emotions, but i think that emotions reveal the truth in a very real way. this is why i cry when i laugh hard and more so when there is a loss. or why some punch holes in walls or curse at people (and sometimes God). my sense of reality is communicated by emotions.

understanding means that i am willing to do whatever it takes to figure the person out. it’s so covenantal. it’s like God saying, i know that in order for you to get this, i am going to have to send my son to experience this life so that you know i have experienced life so we may have mutual understanding. i mean isn’t that the point? i understand that God wants relationship and God understands how messed up i am without Him. understanding is like where the sphere of my life intersects with the sphere of someone else’s. those spheres then fuse together and share some sort of commonality. i want to live in that place. Martin Buber calls this place of shared relationship, dialogue. He also says that it is the truest way of life.

i look at Jesus and i see him talking to the woman at the well, understanding her completely. i see him always asking and probing those around him. i see him extending his sphere to others so that they can connect. the subtext of Scripture reveals him embracing understanding in all of his journey. my favorite is when he speaks to the men on Emmaus and he basically says, "have you not even attempted to understand me with all of the law and the prophets?" and then he explains himself. i find Jesus taking pleasure in knowing people are knowing him.

i love that in hebrew and greek, there can be dual meanings in the word “to know.” in some ways it means gaining knowledge, but often it also means being intimate (sometimes even with sexual connotation). i find myself asking if my dialogue is to know people or just to express my thoughts.

all this to say, that i believe the principle thing is understanding. acts 2 speaks powerfully of the work of the Spirit and it says that they spoke in other tongues, but that all that heard them were able to understand. i just wonder if the Spirit would light upon our lives in such a way that we lived with understanding, instead of coercing others to agree with us.

understanding takes me beyond isolation and sets me in the context of relationship. to be able to make connections with others not just on the tangible, but the intangible level will be indicative of a wise one. i want to understand and be wise and embrace the community and its judgments. even more so, i want to understand Jesus and be listening for his voice, looking for his face, grasping for his hand, so that i will be different. he understands me. and he understands you. and since i am hearing his voice, seeing his face, grasping his hand, he teaches me the knowledge of himself, which speaks and says, i’m not the only one he loves and understands. he understand and loves you. and therefore, i want to love you too. so i pledge to move from isolation to understanding, not because i am commendable, but because i am in him and being in him means being with you.

-peaks out.

Moving from Isolation to Understanding Part 2

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

so i ended my thoughts with selfishness, which is where isolation leads every time. seeking your own desire, takes no consideration for anyone else on the planet. unfortunately, i am not alone. i am involved with a community that has weight on how things should and should not be done. to my great surprise i realized something- without my community, there is little that i would know how to do, function, and even interact.

then comes the next verse to extrapolate on this thought of needing others. here i find myself in the company of fools, which is never easy to say, but it is true. there are many times that in my isolation i could care less about what my community says or thinks. instead i think that my ideas and thoughts are better than the majority of the world. in this moment i find myself in a pretty low place. my arrogance and pride is exposed and my godlike complex flourishes like a weed in a bed of roses.

i know that whether i mean to or not i manifest a godlike complex where i think the world revolves me. if i am god, then you know what, i don’t care about you or your life. thank goodness our God is not like us. if i am the center of the universe why would i try to understand you? why would i extend to you? why would i do anything but propagate my perspective on the world.

that was a few scary paragraphs to write, as i see the utter depravity of myself in it. thankfully, i have a choice in this situation. i do not have to live that way. i do not have to isolate myself. i do not have to be a fool. i do not have to express my opinion. i can choose understanding. i can choose community. i can choose wisdom. i can chose to care. i can choose to not be god. this comes as a huge relief to me. in the midst of the depravity, the truth confessed brings an understanding and experience of wholeness to my life, salvation, redemption, restoration (Jam 5.16).

Undoubtedly, this reversing of the way i want to live life is not easy. as i have forementioned, relationship is hard, community is harder, and selflessness is a task that is impossible without help from Jesus himself. to even train yourself to stop expressing your thoughts about everything and instead listening to others is a challenge. however, if you will stop and listen. i think you will begin to find a tenderness in yourself. you hear, listen, and then make a connection. some person you run across seems to be more different from you in every way, and then all of a sudden, you listen and see that they are just like you.

so it’s a choice, and only you can make it for yourself.

more to come on what is the result of moving from isolation to understanding.

-peaks out.

Moving from Isolation to Understanding Pt 1.

well it’s been about a week and a half that i have been pondering this tiny portion of Scripture; however, i just can’t shake it out of my spirit. let me begin by saying that i haven’t liked proverbs for years and don’t really have a good reason why, except maybe i thought that its pithy axioms about life were lower on the totem pole than the depths of the narratives of Scripture. well i was wrong, big time.

Proverbs 18:1-2 says, “whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. a fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.”

when i read this verse i was blown away. i can’t remember the last time Scripture spoke to me in such a candid way. i felt like Jesus himself whispered between the rustling of the pages. like i said, i have been just chewing on this thing wondering to myself what God is communicating to me. then it hit me - a move from isolation to understanding.

now for some, this is going to sound strange coming from me, but here’s some honesty: i don’t like being around people. i know many think that i am super relational or something, but i’m not. i have “trained” myself to be relational because i believe with all my heart that relationships are the principal thing in this universe, and more importantly, in our faith.

you can imagine that as i read this passage condemning my love for isolation, i was humbled by my guilt. honestly, i haven’t been too relational for a few weeks. i’ve been ebbing and flowing, so some haven’t noticed. and then i also isolated myself during that time.

anyways, the verse starts off by saying “whoever.” this immediately caused a sigh of relief as i realized, i am not alone in this struggle. we are all susceptible to the grim power of isolation. the word “isolation” here is not merely just being by oneself, although that is encompassed in the word. it also has hints of “being reclusive or divisive.”

when i read that, i was floored. reclusive…divisive…isolated…these are volatile words with nasty ramifications. reclusivity is probably my niche due to my ability to get overly obsessed with something and will focus solely on that one thing and nonething else.

divisive was bothersome, because this moved my thinking from simply thinking isolation is about you, to realizing its chain reaction towards others. division brings separation and separation negates relationship. when i isolate myself, i seek my desire and nothing else or noone else. that doesn’t sound like Scripture’s teaching concerning us all being members of one body.

the verse continues to say that an isolationist “breaks out against all sound judgment” here “breaks out” can sometimes mean “to make bare or uncover.” at first i thought how can you both of those ideas. then i thought well if i were to challenge or break away from the covering of sound wisdom/council - or as I think in this context - the community, then i would be revealing my true self to that body i was part of. my true self which is utterly selfish.

selfishness - the very antithesis of Christ’s life and example. i have been having serious dilemma thinking about how my tendency to withdraw from others leads to a self-serving and self-pleasing life, unlike my Savior’s.

this is getting long, so i will finish tomorrow….verse 2 to come.

-peaks out.

the shallows.

so for about a week now i have been living as what i call "the shallows." "the shallows" means that i have been enjoying the frivolities and superficialities of life. this is not the bad "superficial" when we say that someone is being materialistic. i'm more talking about superficial as meaning the surface of a thing. perhaps like a wall with etchings on its surface, like an engraving.

nonetheless, that has been home for me for a bit. the first few days i kept thinking that there was something wrong with living in this "surface" place. and i corrected myself. i don't think it is profitable to remain in the shallows forever, however, i do think it is nice to visit them. so i have been enjoying my visit. this "shallow place" was incredible in the last few weeks. the shallows have been much like tidal pools that develop in the northwest shoreline. these tidal pools are inhabited by sundry species of most intriguing nature. now sure, they might not be the wonders of the deep ocean with enormous whales and coral reefs, but in those tide pools you get a glimpse of the rest of the ocean world.

i have been getting a glimpse of a world that enjoys the trends and the passing pools of today, and i will admit something that is hard for me to admit to: i absolutely am obsessed with these shallows. i am like a kid waking every morning to see what kinds of things are the in shallows today. like what are the new songs on top 40 radio, what tv shows are the rave, what's peoples takes on celebritydom, fashion, movies, cuisine, etc.

my favorite author recently discussed about why twitter is so great and he explained that these surface conversations are like portals to the world of the other person. these surfaces might be just enough to swallow you into their depths. knowing these facts and thoughts of others will probably never win me a game of trivial pursuit, but it has been well worth it.

i have been swallowed and have almost felt like i enjoyed a journey to a strange new world. i must admit, i have come back from there two days ago due to one conversation. it feels good to be in my typical world of depth and feeling "overwhelmed" (which i love) by the complexity and sheer size of my world, but i caught myself a few times today not enjoying my conversation about the last movie my coworker watched or what kind of breakfast my friends enjoyed. cheers to the shallows. i shall visit again.

proverbs 27.19 (MSG) - just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.

-peaks out.

brand.

so like a month ago, my best told me about how he was doing this mad cool project where they like “brand” each other in his small group. so he basically challenged me to “brand” him. i was kinda uncertain about it all, then i realize that we brand people by nature anyways. we call them things like “freak, weird, geek, jock, etc.” instead of utilizing these random safe phrases, i attempted to think of a better metaphor for my bro. so i have been thinking about my “brand” and was very curious about what kind of branding would be given to me. since this seems very elusive i will try to help you out.

when i branded a friend lately, i called them a “rancher.” they are the kind of person who can round up a group of individuals, point them in the right direction and guide them there. they are able to be a brander to those they are leading for their stature and their leadership calls them to do such. people much like cattle need to be lead and guided by someone who cares for them. that is my friend. he is kind and yet firm. his visioneering always takes people to a place where they are refreshed, like a rancher who does whatever it takes to get his cows to greener pasturers and cooler water. oh yeah and a rancher isn’t ‘fraid to rope the cow in and prod them when they are stubborn.

hopefully that helped in understanding “branding.” please encouarage those who love you deeply and care for you to challenge you by branding you. i would invite those who would like to brand me to speak into my life. thanks. remember branding is not just what you see the person doing, but also what they could be.

-peaks out.

Drews & Claires

so i was kinda inspired by my brother to blog again, and he didn't even know it. so thanks nickley. i will start off by saying that to understand this post, you might have to watch the movie Elizabethtown like 50+ times which means once more that I have watched it.

currently, life is in a state of evaluation. i am evaluating everything, pondering things said, introspectively calculating decisions made, thinking incessantly about the typical things: God, life, love, family, friends, jobs, school, future, past, present, you know the normal stuff. so far my meanderings in my mind have been inconclusive to say the least. i don't really know what i think about some of these topics. in some ways i am in a state of impasse. i am not sure how i should feel or what i should feel about said topics. am i supposed to love my work everyday? should i will myself to call old friends? can i be open and honest with family? am i being selfish? do i even know what love is? can God feel closer to me? are the promises of God yes and amen? will my future be greater than my past? will i be the man i want to be? or the man God wants me to be? are my aspirations focused on my will or God's? etc. etc. etc.

in many ways, i feel that i am Drew Baylor, living in Elizabethtown far from home, knowing that i am living in the failure of my plan that sank like the Titanic (Drew's Spasmotica Shoes). many have seen this movie and either love it or hate it, but i am one of the ones that finds myself mirroring that film, as i live my life. my life often feels like a funeral. it always seems that i am burying things or having death surprise me, especially in a strange place, encountering bizarre situations and even more bizarre people. this mostly leads to feeling overwhelmed by it all. i find myself quoting the movie as it speaks in some kind of comfort language that is my native tongue. but if Drew were left to himself, it wouldn't be a good story.

the beauty of this movie (and my life) is that God often brings me to a place of deep melancholy where crazy things are occurring and my life is spinning out of control. i am just frustrated on so many levels that he places crazy people like Claire in my situation. these Claire's are those people who have experienced such things and want to love you through it. the people who want to talk to you from sundown til sunrise. the people who make you mixed CDs with their favorite low and high songs. the people who "you can never forget but are impossible to remember." those people are the ones that get you through it all. they are beautiful, considerate, caring, and lovely in every way. they are the sages of suck. the magi of mayhem. the wisemen of wackness. these people just always know what to say, how to say it and have the authority and power to change everything in your perspective. Claires are your hope. they remind you that "we are intrepid, we go on." i guess all that to say is that i have been lacking some Claire-moments. but even though they have been absent, i know they are coming. my life has often played out where Claires showed up in the last moment, but they came. so i am waiting on the Claire.

i guess really i am waiting on God. he's the best version of Claire possible. he basically does all the things she does but perfectly. so i guess right now, he and i are taking a roadtrip, listening to a few of his favorite tunes, both of celebration and lament, rocking in the depth of feelings, having the wind blow the stank off me, being closer to him than i have ever felt, dancing in the forest, and finding him echoed in the people and places i come across. i've probably only been driving for a few hundred miles, maybe i should go a little further and see what he has in store at the World's 2nd Largest Flea Market. maybe he'll meet me face to face.