in the beginning...

so last week i was talking to my newfound mentor and he asked a very simple but awesome question: what is the Bible all about? support your answer. 

so as i thought about things (and typically when i think of anything Bible related), i end up going to John 1, 1 John 1, and Genesis 1 - i suppose all the "beginning" texts in my mind. i ended up saying something not pieced together about what the Bible is about. something to the effect of the Bible is the story of the stories of God extending relationship to those who were not in right relationship. i focused on 1 John when it spoke about Christ coming to bring fellowship with the Father, with him and with one another (vs 3). it was nothing profound, just the first thought that came to mind. 

well as i have been obsessed with relational concepts and with "beginnings." i was flabbergasted to read an incredible quote in the newest Leonard Sweet book 11 (who if you ever get a chance to read anything by that man - do it! - he's one of my favorite authors). the quote was from another one of my favorite books I and Thou by Martin Buber. Buber said, "In the beginning is relation." i had totally forget this small but powerful phrase in Buber's magnus opum. 

so as i sit here in panera bread in ghent (one of my favorite places in the universe), i have been plagued all morning with this concept of "in the beginning is relation." i decided to look into the word "relation." since "relationships" are one of my favorite enterprising conversations, i should know these things. relation comes from relacion (Anglo-French) from relatio (Latin) from referre (past participle relatus) (Latin), which means to carry back. i was both struck by this simple etymology. relation in essence means to carry back. i will unveil my thinking of this concept after i touch the 7 definitions of relation according to Merriam-Webster. 

the first definition means - the act of retelling or recounting an account. immediately my mind began to think about the whole beginning thing. to reveal that relation is the begin, it would have to have some semblance of retelling or recounting an account. Hmm, maybe the beginning is when we start to tell or rather retell the account God has in his heart from before the dawn of time. this totally reminds me of the "deeper magic" in Lewis' Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe, where Aslan speaks of a magic that was deeper than the things written down upon the stone table. God's relation of his heart to something else was the beginning? my mind is flooded with thoughts.

the second definition is - an aspect or quality (as resemblance) that connects two or more things or parts as being of belonging or working together or as being of the same kind - a property. so relation is about a connection revealing that something is of the same substance and maybe even interactive or engaging between two parts. There seems to be something that is connective when we speak about relationships in that maybe there is a spark of sharpening or a thread of interwovenness that might occur in the metaphors of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes respectively. 

the third definition - the referring by a legal fiction of an act to a prior date as the time of its taking affect (used with back). A reference to something that has already happened in the past and its affects are now seen now. Something like "imperfective" action perhaps. A little of the Lamb being slain before the foundation of the world? 

fourth definition - a person connected by consanguinity or affinity: relative; person legally entitled to a share of the property of an intestate; kinship. Here we have both sonship and heirship. There is a sharing of the property and an affinity to recognize. It is that "congratulations, it's a boy," and a congratulations of "you graduated" all wrapped in one thing, relationship. The family is extended, the treasures expended. it's all for you and it's all for us. Recalls a little prodigal son action, eh? 

fifth definition - reference, respect as in "in relation to." This speaks of a perspective shift. From being a mere referent, which is the "lesser" field of vision to engaging someone where each becomes a reference, with their own thoughts and views who can begin to see how their views fuse with others to create an overall better viewpoint, that is most likely outside of themselves for it fuses theirs and them together. This seems to smell of the body of Christ and each part having its own function and perspective. 

sixth definition - the attitude or stance which two or more persons or groups assume toward one another. this begins the thought of relation is about knowing, but not merely knowing but rather a wrestling. an relentless desire to be face to face with another person to learn and exchange what is known. this makes me think about the beautiful story of Jacob wrestling with God, assuming he knew something about God, only to find out something very different as they pursued each other through grappling. i think of this being a confrontational approach to relation. 

seventh definition - the state of being mutually or reciprocally interested (as in social or commercial matters): dealings, intercourse: sexual intercourse. this is much like the last but it is the next level of grappling with people, it is when you realize that you are close enough to them that there is a mutual desire for the others betterment. this resonates with the Hebrew word - yadah - which means to know; it also has sexual connotations. there is a knowing that comes in this closeness with people that i think i would call intimacy. there is a reciprocity that happens when you are in the embrace of another person, a vulnerability that happens here, and a sense of trust for when you are in the embrace, you don't see anything else around you. you are completely involved. I thought of John laying on Jesus chest in the Upper Room. That is a closeness of leaning upon another's heart. What a flagrant showing of relation. 

in all of my thinking and pondering i thought about this: "In the beginning is relation." I realized something powerful. Jesus is relation. He came to relay and retell the reality of relationship that God has extended to the earth from the echelons of time. He came to show us how to live in the tension of being property of two worlds, both heaven and earth. He came to communicate how he has done it all before this began and it is being extended continually to any who will receive. He came to show that we through his relation with the Father are now family as sons and daughters, and therefore receive all of the inheritance of life with the family. He came to show not only did he have a perspective of Heaven, but also embraced a perspective of earth so that there was full understanding and experience. He came to confront us with the way we have been living life and wrestle us to the place that we could come to never walk the same again, but that we would walk with him. Jesus showed intimacy time and time again as he served, loved, spoke, listened, cared, moved, walked, and empowered those with him and us now with that unrequited trust of himself to us. 

the verse that my mentor said the Bible is all about, which i totally agree with is from Jesus' own mouth, he says, "These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled." I love that the story of relationship and fellowship is not merely in the "lifetime" of Jesus, but that it has always been there. relation is always there. 

in the beginning is relation. in the then is relation. in the now is relation. in the end is relation.
in the beginning, in the then, in the now, in the end, is Jesus.

i so want relation. i so want Jesus.

- peaks out.

Put on.

Colossians 3.12, 14 - "But on then as God's chosen ones, holy & beloved: compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience...and above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." 

i had a brilliant talk with one of the most amazing people in the universe and we somehow began to talk about the power of unity (inadvertently), and what would happen if we all really sought the good of others to the fullest extent by promoting the connectedness that Christ encourages us to embrace. 

as i was reading Colossians 3 through again, i was struck by this passage, as i have been every day for the last week. my thought has been such: when is the last time i first and foremost recognized that i am chosen one, who is both set apart and loved continually? do i walk around thinking that i am the crazy loved one of God, who he picked when choosing the world's dodgeball team? if i am loved that much and accepted so willingly, then what shall i do? 

i should throw on some Jesus' swagg: compassion - the moving of the inner parts longing for the mercy of God to be connected to another constantly reaching out to those in need, kindness - the unconditional goodness to every person you meet always giving them the best, humility - regarding that person beside, in front, behind of you as being better than yourself, seeking to level yourself for their sake, meekness - the strength to be able to submit to one another in both tenderness and extension, and patience - knowing that you can always wait because a wait increases worth. 

however, as grandiose all of these things, Paul exhorts that above all these, we should put on love. love, the ever elusive ideal. however, i have been viewing love differently these days. if God is love, then in order to put on love, i have to put on God. i think that maybe love is a bit of all of these things - or rather the interweaving of each of these characteristics. if we were to evaluate the love of God, i think that Jesus would be the par excellence of love. the words, the deeds, the extension, the wait (33 years approx.), he totally showed the way to weave these things into a commitment of utmost giving of oneself for another. earlier in Colossians, it speaks of this interweaving of all things because in Jesus all things consist or are held together.

i recall that Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends" (Jn. 15.13). i just felt like there Jesus was again, weaving what i have been learning about friends earlier this week into this passage of love and "garments" i should be wearing. as i know most of us don't feel that we could ever live to this greater love by dying for someone; however, i have two thoughts that have spoken to me as of late. if you cannot die for someone to show your love, what if you lived for them? what if instead of giving your life, you gave your time? 

my question to myself is what am i giving up for the sake of others? am i willing to have my life decrease in order that he might increase and hopefully clothe me as a beloved, who is beloved-ing? i dunno, but i am going to put on love. however, i can. 

- peaks out.

quest....friendship

from Out of the Question...Into the Mystery by Leonard Sweet:

"as we consider God's re-Orientation of Christianity, bear in mind that is a movement, not statement. It is more about exploring than about ensconcing. Jesus asked his closest followers: "Who do you say I am?" Each of us, if we are to follow him today, must answer the same question. And as we seek the answer, we find that it is less a question than a quest. The yoking of relationship and quest is deliberate...Part of the uniqueness of humanity, beings created in the image of God, is our instinct to seek and enjoy the pleasures of seeking. It is born in us to dare, to desire, and to delight in the Quest. Questing-made-possible is who we are. Some say it's our solo advantage as a species. But the Quest is not a set of questions. The Quest is the mystery of getting lost in the GodLife relationship." (p. 10)

i guess yesterday afternoon i started to think about this whole idea of questing (or journeying). i suppose it began as i listened to pastor preach a message about the Son of Sons. i thought so much to myself about how much mystery is packed into the man called Jesus as the pastor spoke of the Wonderful, Counselor, Almighty God, Prince of Peace. i thought to myself, how am i currently experiencing the man Jesus.

i think the best way i can see Jesus right now is my friend. this is a two-edged sword. it contains incredible implications, but it also increases the level of risk. recently, i have been finding that in my friendships i am constantly overwhelmed with uncertainty. i think i attempt to predict both people's friendships and even Jesus' with my "relational prowess;" but what i am finding is mystery interwoven in every relationship. i just don't ever know what to expect. i am totally overwhelmed and blown away simultaneously by both the error of my process and the exceeding of my expectations.

at first i was very disturbed by my unsettledness and then i realized that Jesus was saying something different. he said, "jason, this mystery is not a bad thing, it's the beauty of relationship. it never ceases. it is endless. it is always a pursuit. it is always a new revealing. it is heart disclosure. et cetera." when i hear Jesus speak like that i immediately began to think about emmaus (see luke 24.13-35) and that they were with Jesus on this journey and didn't even know it was him because he didn't disclose it. he wanted them to recognize them and to know how it "feels" to be with him, by their sensing and discernment.

i just want to be able to discern better on this journey. i want to know when my friend Jesus is doing something or not participating. i want the mystery. i want the revelation. i want Jesus. i want the heart of the "emmaus-ites" when "they urged him strongly saying - Stay with us...did our hearts not burn within us while he talked to us on the road..." i am pleading for Jesus to stay with me and to burn in my heart. hope you might do the same.

embracing the friendship, the journey, the mystery.

- peaks out

Numbers 13.30

"But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, "Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it."

in my spiritual formation class yesterday, my professor, who i bestow utmost respect unto basically blew me away. she told us that she prayed for each person in the class and asked the Lord to give her a verse and a word for them. i immediately thought, that was very kind of her to give us a verse. however, after the first word, i realized that she was really speaking prophetically to each of us. these verse were really declarations from the Father over our lives. 

i immediately began to feel a confirmation in my spirit as she went down the order of the class, sharing her (God's heart) for them. she was even moved to tears a few times. my closest friends in the class received unbelievable words about:

 the anointing on their life to change this generation, about their ability to combine wisdom and humility in teaching, to be able to know that they could do anything and God would be behind it, to stand before kings and interpret those things that others couldn't with wisdom and tact, to know that the Lord is singing his love over them constantly as protection, and that they should embrace their leadership ability for they have been faithful.

throughout the class, i just begin to feel the Lord really stirring some things up for people to encourage them in and tell them. 

then she said, "jason..." and my heart became as tumultuous as the sea in the midst of a storm. she quoted numbers 13.30 about Caleb basically seeing not the obstacles and not the challenges, but sees the promise and the potential of what God has in store. she spoke on about how Caleb was full of youthfulness and that he lived a long life and that God was going to do that in me, and eventually give me the mountain (Hebron) as an inheritance. 

immediately, i had a flash back to right after i got saved and the Lord had been using the story of Caleb to blow me away and to encourage me to be bold in him. i can honestly say that i have not been as bold as i can be about the things of God, but that is what was so special about this word because God has just began to bring some of those old things to surface in my life. the authority, the overcoming spirit, the unwillingness to take 'no' for an answer. there is a new tenacity for the things of God and what he has spoken and promised. this word was pregnant with meaning to me for it was truly a commentary on so many aspects of my life.

one of these aspects is about my relationships with people. for some reason, i never look at the main characters, always the overlooked ones. i.e. Gideon, Caleb, Jonathan (Saul's son), Barnabus. it's not that they are less important or aren't mentioned, but most of the time others are heralded (Joshua, David, Paul, respectively). this heart of Caleb to be one to remind those around him to go and overcome is latent in all of these men. Barnabus saw in Paul what most did not see, Jonathan committed his entire life and kingdom to David, yielding all that he had. Caleb submitted to Joshua as his commander and supported him in all that he did. it was just incredible that God has placed me in so many people's lives as this 2nd guy. most the people i am around are the Joshua's, David's and Paul's, which is awesome. i realize that my heart is always to see them reach their goals for the kingdom of God, which in turn causes my dreams to come true, much like Caleb. 

ironically, since i first "encountered" the spirit of Caleb when i was a young believer, i have always wanted to name a son caleb. maybe just as a reminder of what God is saying. this word was that reminder of the passion and vigor of Caleb. this passion and vigor for the kingdom and for the leaders of the kingdom led him to living in 2 generations the one of the wilderness as well as the promised land. how incredible is that? i am encouraged that God is going to use me as a person who is going to bridge the generations and encourage both generations to "go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it." 

thus, i embrace this "different spirit" of Caleb and follow the Lord fully so i might go into all he has called me unto"and the land had rest from war." 

fear...

heard this last night, "Fear is believing that the outcome will be negative...faith is believing that the outcome will be positive." 

don't fear and remain rejected, embrace love and adoption, have faith, and see what God does. 

leaves & mercy

probably for about two weeks, i have been thinking about the story of the blind beggar who exclaimed, "Son of David, have mercy." i don't know why this verse sticks out now and not from any of the thousands of times i have heard it in sunday school. the story just came alive for me in worship, was we were singing, "worthy, worthy, you are worthy," or something to that effect and i remember thinking, "my God you're so worthy but i just need you so much," and then i recall opening my mouth and singing, "Son of David, have mercy." i am sure people were thinking what is he talking about, due to the newness of their faith. nonetheless, i went back to just re-read this passage so i could maybe acquire some revelation about what was occurring. As Jesus responded to his persistent cries with a question of "What do you want?" He simply responded, "Lord, let me recover my sight." there was something so pregnant in that phrase for me. my heart began to reel and i realized, my God, have i lost my sight? have i been unable to perceive your very presence, have i missed your voice calling, am i blind to what is really occurring in my world? and i thought to myself, perhaps, i too am a beggar who although i hear a crowd passing by, i don't know what is going on. or perhaps when i do inquire, and i realize the significance of that moment and i have a choice - to be silenced by those around me or to begin to desperately ask for mercy, for wholeness, for life. i love that when he asked of the Lord in faith he was made whole. the greatest part of this story for me however is not merely his healing, but it says, he followed him, glorifying God. i just long to find wholeness in the Lord's touch and in his path. 

that path. the one of glory. what an incredible picture that i received this morning as i meandered around campus waiting for them to open the buildings. i began walking on an asphalt road covered with leaves, i then proceeded to walk through the grass with leaves ebbing and flowing from about my feet. the light thrush of them echoing the rhythm of my corduroys zipping as i walked gingerly. i looked down to catch a glimpse and saw the most amazing fractal patterns of leaves aligned on the ground and i immediately wondered, how did i miss this beauty yesterday? Lord, recover my sight. i know that as i will begin to see with his eyes that i will be able to glorify God and praise him from a latent place in my heart. let our hearts revive with the questions of Jesus and be found to praise him for his questions, for he will give to us upbraideth not, when we respond to him. 

so i will forever see leaves and the mercy God entwined. recover our sight, we have no other way. 

- peaks out

dibere hanavi'im

for those of you not in hebrew grammar, which i am currently abusing my brain with, dibere hanavi'im means "words of the prophet." this week my mom preached a fantastic message on basically salvific history and how one can always find the Lord looking for a place built unto him. i felt it was one of the most prophetic sermons i heard in ages. one of those re-alignment to the will, word, plan, and purpose of God kind of sermons. due to its optimality i decided to dedicate my playlist for this week to prophetic songs that have moved my heart back into alignment with His. hope you enjoy.

"lullaby for a petrified sacred society" - this song is written by the brilliant Jason Upton, who speaks of the church's insulation from the world and its willingness to build a safe system away from harm aka people not associated with church. hauntingly beautiful. 

"eyes for you (ps 141)" -  sarah mcintosh & phil wickham - this song is one of the most incredible songs about redirecting our hearts back to the Lord. "dear Lord, i only have eyes for you." wow, what passion, what direction, what penetration. 

"you won't relent" - kim walker & chris quilila - this song takes the gritty voice of an angel and makes that voice soar over guitar laden beauty. it is so unbelievably intense, that i can't help but echo the song, "my heart is Yours..." 

"no limits (enlarge my territory)" - israel houghton - this man's ability to hear what God is saying in the Spirit is ridiculous. i have been thinking about how this should move our hearts to not being limited in our actions towards the lost and not towards experiencing everything that God has for me. "break forth...release me...enlarge my territory"

"my soul longs for you" - misty edwards - a song of hope and anticipation calling us to desire the things of the lord on a deeper level than we have before - "i believe you will come like the rain." 

"healing rain" - michael w. smith - i know, right, michael w, so totally not my style, but this song is respectful for sure. the declaration of healing and the wholeness and security it brings truly is inspiring. "healing rain is falling down, healing rain is falling down, i'm not afraid." 

"we wait upon you" - free chapel live - this song just beckons for the Lord to reveal himself to us in a real way in a now time. 

"you'll come" - hillsong & all constituents - a powerful anthem about how as "surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us...chains be broken and lives be healed, eyes be opened, Christ is revealed." this song makes me want to shout to the highest heavens. 

"when i speak your name" - elizabeth clark (christ for the nations) - you cannot control this song, just like  you cannot contain the name of Jesus. it is the name that causes everything to change. mountains moving, darkness fleeing. "there is life in the name, power in the name of Jesus." her voice expresses how desperate she is personally for Jesus as she goes as far as singing her voice out. raw worship at its finest.

"lion of judah" - jason upton - this song always takes me back to aslan in the chronicles of narnia reminding me that the lion will gather those people who are "nameless, placeless, and a faceless tribe" who more than anything just fear the lord. these people will be the movers and shakers, the prophets and the priests. 

"holy visitation" - rita springer - a song full of eastern styles employing serious minor key movement that really declares a powerful word about the Lord coming with a holy visitation. calling people to return to him with "fasting and weeping and mourning...between porch and altar." it ends with a cry of war upon the enemy and awesome drums thumping the cadence. 

- peaks out. 

slow motion....

so today after our goodbye luncheon/birthday party office staff, we arrived back at the church to find out that my dad went to the ER. 

i can't tell you how scared i was to hear that my amazing father was in the ER. and then it got worse, they told us it might have been a heart attack. my mind was blown because my dad is a healthy guy that eats well and works out like 6 days a week. 

i felt so unbelievably helpless as i ran to be with my mom and my dad. i didn't have any deep thoughts or questions, i just thought how much i absolutely love my father. despite his awfully lame jokes, his awkward comments, his explosive personality, and his ability to embarrass me at every chance, i think he is the best freakin' dad in the world. i thought i don't tell him that i love him enough. i don't give to him as he constantly gives to me. i felt that i had nothing to offer him except be his crazy son that challenges him on everything he says. helplessnessly overwhelmed with my father's love for me, i found myself wanting. i need my dad. i need his insight. i need his wisdom. i need his passion for others and for the Lord. 

everything feels like its slow motion and i  am the only thing blazing forward. i hate that i don't feel that i can embrace the situation and everything God is saying. i am trusting the Lord, but i have to focus on worship, on school, on everything else and all i want to do is sit on the couch with my dad and know that all is well in the world. hanging with my poppy, my pops, my pache. kissing on his buzzed head and hugging him like a bear. 

jesus, thank you for giving grace to my family and the bigger realization of your love for me through my dad. 

on the technical side of things, dad had a 99% blockage in one of the arteries in the back of his heart. every other artery was completely fine. just that one. the docs said that basically he got the ER before any damage could really be done to his heart. he is going to have to take it easy as they put a shunt in that artery. he is currently in ICU being closely monitored and tomorrow will probably be moved to a regular room. we hope he can come home on saturday. great thing...no longtime or short term heart damage.

just keep praying for us and our church family. 

love you all.

slowing motion.

- peaks out.

"all will be well" by gabe dixon band is on repeat. 

scissorhands. (and a playlist to accompany)

so yesterday i was speaking with a friend of mine after we had worked a lot of the day on homework and somehow i began to talk about a movie quote that I love, 

"i'm not finished" - edward scissorhands

this thought has resonated in my heart and i suppose in my head since then. but in worship tonight it was brought back like a tuning fork struck with such tremendous force that i could barely bear it. i was brought to my knees as i realized that currently i have been really acting "finished." it is almost like my school and my work have been my validation in the aspects of my life, whether it be friends or my relationship with God. tonight, instead of being deluded by my thoughts of "being okay," i found myself realizing the greatness of my need. it was like i looked down and my scissorhands had ruined the real hands God has been trying to give me this whole time. so by my hiding behind the walls of false completion i have missed out on what God wants for me. i've now come to the point that i had to recognize that like it says in psalm 51 that i need Yahweh to rebuild my heart into something new and untainted by my ability, and i need his Spirit to come and refresh my life with its incredible transforming power. i know that he wants to be the giver of unmerited grace and covenant love to me so that he can make me finished apart from me. i'm now okay with the fact that i have scissorhands. one day God will give me those hands and i have so much expectation for today that he will do it in the best time. until then, i will relish my scissorhands. i know that i need a mediator for my life otherwise i cannot be touched or touch others with my life. Jesus is the perfect bubble wrap for my unfinishedness. i revel in him. Son of David have mercy on me. 

- peaks out

scissorhand playlist: 

1. rescue me - adam watts - providence of God played this song on itunes as it was shuffling as i wrote this blog. coincidence, doubt it. 

2. unrestrained - calvin nowell - wow. love it. worship is all about being real and uninhibited. 

3. i am nothing - shawn mcdonald - i am just dust without Christ

4. grace will be my song - fee - "jesus, lover of the weak...with strength to carry me"

5. we need you Lord - jonathan butler - simple declaration of our need

6. grace for me - michael gungor band - "even though i'm not yet flawless, you are forming me, your grace for me is all i need..."

7. to deserve - jonathan stockstill - "with my hands lifted high, i will praise you as king, for what have i done, to deserve like yours"

8. sing my love - kim walker (jesusculture) - song of the overflow

9. take me - worth dying for - "broken for your glory"

10. nothing back - according to john - "take all of me, cause i have decided....all i got and all i am, all my dreams, all my plans, i'm holding back, i'm holding nothing back from you."

11. gazing - future of forestry - "like a child i'm gazing into wonderous grace"

12. only a man - jonny lang - reminder that we are still human. 

J's Weekly Playlist

due to my amazing friend Kris....and watching a movie with Jer & Donna...i decided to rock a playlist for the upcoming week. 

1. with everything - hillsong live - this song totally moves my soul toward Jesus. 

2. all will be well - gabe dixon band - a recently enjoyed band

3. don't miss now - downhere - "for choosing the road less travelled..." 

4. the arms of my savior - lincoln brewster - john mayeresque groove

5. son of man (bless the lord) - tye tribbett - makes me want to dance (and be black)

6. ashes and flames - john mark mcmillan - coffee anyone? this is the perfect segue to a salted caramel hot chocolate with a solo shot.

7. your love never fails - jesusculture (chris quilala) - pretty much my anthem ever morning 

8. treasure - trevor davis - a little funkaliciousness about where your heart is...

9. sacred place - future of forestry - been learning about "creating a space" in scripture and this song reminds me of what happens when i make space for Him.

10. kiss the air - danny calvert (music of scottt alan) - love this voice and the honesty of the lyrics

hope you enjoy any or all of these...i sure am. 

- peaks out

in the beginning...

i am in the midst of fall break and although i desire to not do a solitary thing, i am in the library staring at my hebrew workbook and the twenty pages that i get to work on the next week. ugh. so instead of getting my work down, since my motivation is at a superb low, i decided to talk about the beginning...

this morning, pastor (aka mom) shared a crazy awesome message about "in the beginning..." she surveyed a few passages about things that occurred at the beginning and let me persuade you that i was blown away at the words she brought forth. as we went to genesis 1, i recalled to my mind some interesting things God taught me about the first two verses of the Bible, here's vs 2. 

"the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." 

God has and continued to reveal to me about this place of "formlessness." it is a place that we should begin our day, it is a refuge that we should cling to, it is assuredly the formation chamber in which we allow ourselves to change. 

there is so much talk about this place of formlessness being a back thing; however, i believe that a full reading of this passage reveals that in that state of formlessness, God has the potential for everything he was going to and did create. that place of not knowing, of darkness, of formless allows for a couple things to occur in our lives: 

1. it allows for us to recognize that we do not have to buy into the forms of the world, but instead we call allow God to form us daily. we do not have to be satisfied with stereotypes, facades, or predisposition, we can trust God's version of us and his plan, will, purpose and design for me and you. for if we know our state of formlessness, we are allowing him to rule our lives and not ourselves. 

2. formlessness is the place of teachableness. if we set up so much structure and adherents, we end up never allowing for God to teach or reveal to us how to live. our systems can prevent God's desires and wishes, but that teachableness will expand our opportunity to minister and to live out the kingdom of God. in this status of being without form, we truly can function in anything, not held back and not self or others limitations. 

in the beginning, God created. he did it, not me. i don't know why we think that we can form ourselves in anything but him. for if we do, we simply end up with the predicament of failing under our own laws and perspectives instead of being refreshed by the Lord. 

enough for now. i think i am going to return to formlessness this whole week. more to come.

- peaks out.

 

this morning...

i am having a great week. i am seeing God bless me all over the place. this morning i was having coffee with a friend and God just struck my heart's strings with a crazy seventh chord, which has yet to resolve to the major chord. it's so haunting me. i'd thought i would SOC (stream of consciousness) what i was thinking....

this was stream of consciousness, so I hope you can follow.

So I had this incredible discussion this morning with a brother about Love and its relation to everything. It basically touched me to my core. I’ve been crying quite a bit this morning (in a good way). Jesus drives me crazy when he does that. ; )  

Is love not to be our motivation in all that we do? Whether we are going to school or we are working in a church or rocking a career/writing center, we should be doing it out of love. What’s the point of having vision or amazing plans if that interwoven thread behind it is not love.

I guess recently, I have found myself trying to visioneer things for my life and focused a lot on success. This morning Jesus just hit me with his love as part of these things. The success and wealth of life is not measured by what I attain or what I believe is “good.” The only good thing is God, and God is love, so the only good thing would have functionality due to love. If not for love, would Jesus have died? Not to merely move and do things, but I think to bring us into relationship with the Father, causing us to move and do things with love as the backbone to our efforts.

Great Commandment. It’s about Love. It’s crazy, because if you think about it, God is inviting us to partake in his divine nature, since he is love. Wow, he is basically allowing me and granting me an opportunity to share in what his essence is. That’s insane. I have never thought about Love being such a honor to be able to partake of.

Like I have been saying of late, humans don’t have the capacity to love without the Lord’s loving them first. So then we are able to drink of the cup of covenant love and are able to share it with those around us, dispensing not ourselves, our ideas, or our philosophies, but his love. My love is always his love, if it is actually love and not some distortion of love or relationship.

This passage has been where I am in my devotions and it has this concept in and throughout it. Check it out if you get a chance. Here are a few excerpts:
 
Colossians 1:28-2:3

Vs. 29 - “for this I toil struggling with all HIS energy that HE may powerfully works within ME ( emphasis mine)”

Ch 2 Vs. 2 - “that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love to reach all the riches of full assurance of the understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ.”

I am just challenge by love in these two verses. First, in the first verse, that I would constantly see that it is his love that he works in me. Not my love that I can attempt to conjure or replicate. I must be a conduit for his love to flow through. (Circle/Arrows extended) Second, the maturity that Paul is speaking of is only brought about by the encouragement so that they can be tied in love which will allow them to begin to partake in the mystery of the Gospel, Jesus and his “love life.”

In the midst of my life right now, my prayer is Ps. 59.10 that “My God who shows me steadfast love will meet me...and then bring me victory” (Peaks Paraphrase). Let your life be met with the Love of God. So that in and through you, not only will you be changed, but everyone you come in contact will be thus impacted. Good morning and welcome to living the Great Commandments, eh?

-peaks out.

humility

yesterday i was hanging out in the beautiful weather with a group of my closest friends and we were talking about humility. this is an interesting concept to discuss for people have various opinions of what humility. as we talked this is what was said: 

humility is....

- honesty, quoted from Mother Theresa 

- banana cream pie, in comparison with million-dollar pie or cheesecake, that it looks simple and  a mess but it carries with it the wonderful experience of being the best (by a pie lover)

- openness and vulnerability 

- submission to another's will and way

- to prefer others more than yourself 

the awesome thing about this discussion is that the shades of meaning in each of these definitions really reveals the person. for instance the quote was by the leadership expert in our group who has that ability to be the pastor of the group. the banana creme pie was by our comedic genius who revels in his ability to bring humor to the most serious situations (this is aided by his thick southern accent). this guy has never ceased to make me laugh, i'm pretty sure he's going to be a youth pastor. the openness answer came from one of the most transparent individuals i have ever met. he seems like he is just a great guy, but this guy is so practical and so constantly walking out his life in an open way. i know that God has called him into the ministry, and he is going to rock at it.  the preference for others answer was our group's intellectual and Bible teacher. he totally epitomizes the professor as his quoting of scripture alludes to his prowess biblically and the "technical" right answer. i came up with submission to another. i guess more than anything, i am finding that when i love someone that i find myself submitting myself to them by realizing how much i need them, which for me is humility. it was an experience that i will remember for a long time. i wonder what you think humility is...and how it explains you as a person. 

-peaks out.

fyi, i love each of these guys incredible and i did not mean to present any of them negatively, so take everything that i said about their differences as being a strength to the group and not as one person is better than the other. each one of these guys is unbelievably amazing. 

chicken, eagles, and shovels...

so the last few days have been ridiculous. not good by any means. frustrating, angering, etc. but in the midst of me being grouchy, i found that God was teaching me some things using chickens and eagles and shovels to show me what was up. let me explain before you believe that i eat chickens and eagles for dinner after i "dwayne carson" them with a shovel (hit them over the head). 

i was in the library enjoying my day of self loathing studying intensely for hebrew, which is currently the love/hate relationship i am involved with, when my good friend darren came in. at some point, i vented partially about my current situations, and he just looked at me like i was a lunatic. i understand that i am a bit dramatic and more times than naught i am absurd in my use of verbiage to describe my life. he then says, you wanna read something? i assure you that the last thing i wanted to do was to read something from dboy (as i dubbed him), who is the biggest stud on the campus. nonetheless, after a few more admonishments, i took the bait. I began this story about an eagle living with chickens due to a lost parent. in this story, the farmer told his son that an eagle will not learn to fly like chickens, because they were different. the chickenesque eagle had totally bought into what he believed he was instead of the truth. of course this was directly relating to me being a grouch, when that is not my tendency. the story ended with the farmer throwing the chickenesque eagle off a cliff and watching that eagle realize what he was by soaring. darren was smirking about this story, and since i had already taken the bait, i stated quite boldly, i am a big chicken huh? he laughed very hard which is awesome, cause he laughs in such a way that all the blood runs to his face and he turns a little red. its that same kind of red when i tell him that every girl at the university has him on their radar. nonetheless, i appreciate darren's willingness to not let me remain in that state. immediately after that story, i got a phone call. 

phone calls are normally exciting, but as i looked down into my chicken communication device, my best friend Kevin was calling. he always says what i need to be doing so i was a little fearful in answering. simultaneously, i think that even in the toughest times, his loving but tough words have always helped me. i told him the situation of me being a chicken instead of an eagle followed by his laughter and a quick reference to my favorite moment from Scrubs, in which eagle is declared loudly. love that moment. after we discussed both my life and his, we closed our awesome conversation, which was so full of life that i was soaring before the first sentence began. the closure was a picture about shovels. have you ever seen two people use a shovel at the same time, it doesn't work. much like my life when i am using the shovel and not letting God have control. so we talked about emptying our hands to receive what God was digging for so that we could receive what he has instead of what we labor for. i'm now an empty handed, soaring eagle. the life i live is not me, but Christ in me. woo. peaks out. 

a reattempt...

it's been numerous months since i have blogged. i was definitely encouraged by a recent encounter with a dear friend while hanging with him last weekend. so i am going to attempt to try it again. there is a lot going on for sure, but i guess i'll sum up life as a start:

i am working at my dad's church as the creative arts director. 

i am a full time student at Regent University in old testament studies. 

i am learning a lot about selfishness vs. love right now. 

i am starting to love getting up at 5am. 

i am a huge fan of the tv show pushing daisies. 

i love hanging out with zie element and the gazebros (2 amazing small groups i am in). 

life is grand. 

acts 2&3...and the personal aspect of life.

so i have been having some rough days. there is a lot going on, i never slow down, and a crash seems immanent. i know that sounds rough, and i am sure many have it rougher, but i was really hoping that everything would not be so darn complex. there is so much that i could say about this... however, i will digress to acts 2 and 3, only to return to the personal deal that i am referring to.

Acts 2 & 3 

Let me just begin with saying this, i am not a huge fan of the book of acts, it seems to be a big place of contention with christians as to how to do "church." the crazy thing is that as i read these chapters, i didn't think about "church," i thought about life. it seems that our lives pattern the situations that are going on in this picture. the ability to reconcile these things seems uncanny. i live in a state of cognitive dissonance. 

well the first thing that i note that supports this picture i am constructing of life and not church is the concept that things happen when people come together. whether it was in the upper room waiting in prayer for the Spirit to come, or if it was breaking bread daily with one another. there was always a connection to the people that surround your life. without it, you don't live. you merely exist for your own selfish ways and patterns. however, there is another way to experience life and that is with one another. i am a huge proponent of this, however, i rarely feel people get it. 

life together, way better. i don't know what we think we can accomplish solo, but inevitably we cannot overwhelm the power of others. the church started like this. together. they ate together, stayed together, talked together, prayed together, etc. together, etc. together. why is it that in our Christian lives that we believe that we can experience life in Christ by ourselves. this is not what i see in acts in the slightest. shoot in acts 1, they had to find another to take the fallen brothers place. why do we ostracize ourselves from the fullness of life that we could have. 

funny that "fullness" in greek is pleroma. this word basically connotes something overwhelming to the nth degree. we want to have life, but we don't want the overwhelming part. just the life. that is one of the reasons why American Christianity ceases to live the abundant life. in the midst of this amazing life, full life, i am drawn to the next part of acts 2 & 3. 

everywhere in the passages i keep finding the concept of wonder or amazement. some of the words that riddled my heart as i read the pages were: bewildered, amazed, astonished, in awe, perplexed, wonder, signs, mighty acts. everything that these people were living and breathing was full of something that overwhelmed them because they didn't understand everything that was happening. 

i love that they were definitely willing to enjoy their amazement and accepted it as part of the life and experience that they repented to. it is a great thing to not understand your God, for if you understand him, how can he be God and you not he. there is a power in contemplation of these things, and i watched these people become enthralled with the journey to learn more. Whether it was through prayer, fasting, meal-sharing, discussing Scripture, they completely acknowledged that they were able to come to a great understanding through the things God has given us, whether that means the Word, his Spirit, or his people. 

Thus fullness of life comes when amazement meets togetherness leading them to understanding. 

This concept is the next thing I would lend to learn. If you watch anytime these things occurred, whether it was amazement of tongues being spoken, or lame men healed, that there was always some understanding that would be bequeathed to them. this mostly occurred through the preaching of the Word, however the Spirit moved in like fashion to bring them to a place of learning aptly what was occurring. 

I guess to sum all of these things up, i lend towards Acts 3:19-21, 26 (peaks paraphrase) - Change the way you have been living for your entire life, acknowledge it as less than the best, decide that God's original way of life was perfect, and come back into alignment to that purpose. When you are able to remove your old ways of living, you will be refreshed by the very experience of living life God's way only to find that God's means to this occurrence was the most redemptive process ever, to sacrifice the greatest thing he ever had, his Son Jesus, and utilize his Son's perfect walk as a way to reconnect us to the life that we always have longed for, through his death which was spoken by the Word since the beginning. If it wasn't through Jesus, we would never come to know the fullness of life that God intended for us, and we would be stuck in our own way of living on a far less fulfilling course of life.

back to the personal stuff: i take a lot of stuff personally. it isn't because i don't know that doing it is hard to deal with in ministry, but i take it personally because i recall that if people are treating me rough, then i wonder what their relationship with God is like. whether you like it our not, your relationships with God and people are indicative of each other. they are like a scale of you ability to relate. if you are failing in your relationship with people, you are probably failing in your relationship with the Lord. and vice versa. so every time people treat me poorly or say harsh things or neglect my friendship, i realize that there is a lot more going on with them spiritually and it breaks my heart to see people not where God wants them to be. that state of fullness, amazement, and togetherness. 

- peaks out 

i'm back....in acts

so it's been a very long while since i have blogged. i apologize for keeping you wonderful people at bay. i am sure that you hoped for more glimpses of the peaks, and well, i am back by popular demand. please know that i am laughingly jokingly writing this. popular demand and i do not coexist, except maybe in my head. but nonetheless, i am back for a while. as many of you know i have just undergone a crazy ridiculous amount of insanity in my life. it's over now, the calm is here and i am writing about it. 

instead of filling this page with the glories of the battles gone and pressing, i have decided to blog about my delving into the book of Acts. i'll probably just make some observations and will be able to extract what God wants for my life right now. 

As for Acts: 

instead of reading chapter one right away, i started in Luke 24, not the entirety of the chapter, but just enough to be able to pick up where everyone is coming from in Acts 1. here's some thoughts on Luke 24 .44-53

vs. 44 ~ Jesus reveals that everything that was in the Bible must come to pass, whether it was the prophets or it was Law of Moses. there is something here about the concept of God fulfilling every promise to us in our lives that he has spoken in the Word and in our hearts. there is great encouragement and consolation in that God is sure to bring forth what has been planted. 

vs. 45 ~ after Jesus brought out this principle of fulfilling the Word, it says that he then opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. I think that we can see what God has written and given to us, when we begin to operate in a level of faith. in such, that we begin to believe the promises of God and that they will come to fruition if I will be willing to come into agreement and alignment with them. as we begin to act in our faith, it will be evident what God desires, instead of experiencing the opaqueness of trying to understand God without his active spirit. 

vs. 46-47 ~ this passage then begins to reveal the understanding of what God has been trying to since time began. He revealed his plan of Jesus coming and changing everything. my favorite part comes in vs. 47, where it says that we should preach repentance and forgiveness of sins.  alot of churches are preaching love superfluously. however, they are failing to realize that sin is a problem and that repentance means to completely acknowledge that your way of living life is wrong and that you need to accept to do and live life. 

vs. 49 ~ Jesus calls the Spirit "the promise." it is so strange because i never recall reading that before. my brain immediately begins to think about how the Spirit has always held the promise of God and initiated it's fruition in the earth. the promise of God was penultimately that Jesus would come, and now the promise is transferred to Jesus' spirit, so that the promises are all connected, intermingled, and inseparable. the promises continues today and forevermore. how awesome is it to see God begin to release his Spirit in the earth so that all things will be changed to what they were originally purposed for. 

vs. 52-53 ~ when one begins to see the promise of God and hope for it to come near, then we see that there is a response that is required, that is worship. the passage speaks about how when Jesus revealed into heaven, that they had to acknowledge him fully. in this same manner, they begin to long for the Lord as their departure would have left them with grief and sadness in their lives. however, it is in that sadness and barrenness (thank you Pastor Cappuccio), that God begins to minister and come to those places and bring life. so from the beginning of life we are set up to watch the power of the Spirit come into broken people, with broken hearts and watch them be restored to their state which God intended for them. the last thing in the book is that it reveals that when a person is longing for the Spirit of God that they will continually bless and seek God so that he may be found. 

Acts 1

vs. 1-5 ~ From the very beginning of this book, we are able to see that this book is going to verify the lives of those who seek the Lord and love him wholly. There is an understanding of the kingdom of God that begins to occur through the church, powered by the Spirit of God. 

* the promise of the Father is mentioned here again, which is so awesome because the book starts right away at reminding us it's connection with the entire gospel of Luke. 

vs. 6-7 ~ impatience in the kingdom of God is like an oxymoron. we will never be able to know what is going on except if we know the Father. i love that we are not to concern ourselves with the who, whats, hows, but instead we should be focused on the Him. he will come and express power into our lives so that we will be able to testify who he is and what he has begun in us. 

although the rest of acts 1 was really cool, these are the resonances. be blessed. 

- peaks out.

authority.

a son without authority is a bastard. 

this morning after i had coffee with a good friend, i was thinking about sonship and about many of my friends. most of my friends and i have had a hard time with our father-son relationships due to wounds inflicted by us and them (and society). one of my buds was talking about the lack of a father figure in his life and this morning that thought came to mind. 

we who are believers have become sons of God (Rom. 8.14; Gal. 3.26). however, there are many sons, who have failed to come under authority. authority is a tough word for those with failed fathers. we have a hard time listening and obeying those who we see as flawed. however, this is a wrong attitude to have. now authority is not limited to parentage alone, it deals with a much deeper issue. 

authority is really about coming into submission. funny thing is that submission is really about love. when you subject yourself to others you have allowed for others to be in authority in your life. not to have domination over your life but actually to release one into freedom. it would be easy to say that we only need to come into the authority of the Spirit of God, however, as we are people and not understanding of the way God works, we need a means by which we are reminded of this authority. that is why God has provided his people as a means by which we can come to understand authority.

if you are unwilling to submit to another person, you first become unwilling to love them and in return you have become a rebel. you have become a rogue. you have become a prodigal. you have become a bastard. a fatherless child. an unauthorized son. only the son who submits has the ability to know the fullness of the Father's heart. only the son who comes into authority, understand how submission is equated to love. 

although you can be a son without having authority, you will be limited in your empowerment and your influence in the father's kingdom. Jesus became this perfect example to us. he submitted himself to his Father in heaven. And similarly to the world in which he lived. he humbled himself and came under the authority of humanity by clothing himself in it, never limiting his power, instead empowering himself to overcome all things. it was that authority to both things in which he was able to reveal both love and purpose of the Father to all others. he was empowered to do miracles, healings, forgiveness, etc. 

so the question is not how i can live for me, but how can i live (and love) for the authority that i am under, whether God or a father. 

- peaks out.

P.S. More to come.

rez day.

today is a day that we can celebrate life. it was today that we celebrate that Jesus is alive and that he has brought life to us. 

i find great consolation knowing that my savior is a God who has brought life. can you imagine what kind of life one would live without the power of the resurrection? without death being overcome, there is no hope. without life we are stuck in the status quo of eternal monotony. however it is only the interference of true life that we can escape this. i am so thankful that Jesus is life and that he dispenses it to us. 

he is risen indeed. 

- peaks out.

hush...

so i was in my car on the way back from an unfruitful gift returning trip and all of a sudden something hit me. 

i was just driving in my car, oh so gingerly not rushing to get back home, merely just cruising. i even took the back way home for a more meaningful experience than coasting along the concrete path called the interstate all the way home. in the midst of my return to suffolk, i was struck by this ridiculous song. something about it just clicked deep in my being. it's called hush by waterdeep. 

as the song continued i began to survey all that God has been teaching me. in the midst of my scorched places, i have seen new life, i have found more out about myself and about God. i learned about worship, i learned about longing. today, i stand before you completely and utterly moved in that scorched place. during this time period, i think God was trying to deal with me on a deeper level than i imagined. this level is sonship. earlier in the process i am undergoing i was reading in colossians 1. in that passage it talks about Jesus being the firstborn of all creation. well actually the antecedent is The Son. i began to read the entire chapter substituting all the personal pronouns with the Son. it was crazy. i began to see what happens and what is contained in sonship. it was beautiful. i didn't understand what God was trying to say then, but when i heard that ethereal voice expanse the space i knew that God was trying to get me to see that i am a son. 

at this moment of realization of being a son and this lullaby singing over me, i wept. this is the first time in about 38 days. i have been such an emotional deadzone, that this and that put together brought it all together. then of course it started to rain. in my state of being a son of God, i regained a childlikeness that has persevered. i began to think that as i was shedding tears in sheer amazement of sonship. God was raining or in my mind shedding tears as well for he knew that his son was coming home. it was an overwhelming experience and then tomorrow i am to celebrate that the Son resurrected. oh the wow. 

oh hush little children don't you cry. Jesus is going to die and bring us all back to life. here are the lyrics to hush, i hope it gives you a sense of sonship or daughtership: 

when you feel like the days just drone on and on and on 
and you feel like the nights are quickly gone 

and on the inside your heart is gaping wide 
and on the inside you feel like no one's on your side 
well, I Am

when you thought you could rest, but you found out you were wrong 
and there's another need another battle 
another one more thing that comes along 

and on the inside 
you hear the fall but you hate the falling sound 
and on the inside 
you can't pick another broken piece up off the ground 
well I know 

hush little baby don't say a word 
Daddy's gone and bought you a great big heaven to rest in 
He's bought it with blood and put the seal in your heart 
it'll give you the hope you need to get up and start again 

when all the things you thought you left behind are still hanging on 
and everything you try to do right ends up all wrong 

and on the inside everyone else seems basically fine 
but on the inside even they won't let go of the dead and cling to what's alive 
well I AM

- peaks out

frisbee golf.

a simple game: woods, discs, a chain and metal basket. who would have thought that this guy could dispense such joy. 

i have found that my favorite past time is this crazy game called frisbee golf (or disc golf by the pros). it is a really great game and i just can't seem to get enough of it. i am not a fantastic player, but i enjoy it. i love that when you have a pastime, that you often realize it isn't so much about doing or playing, but more about what you aren't doing or playing. i can escape so much of the dizziness of my mind when i am focused on chucking that disc between the four overshadowing oaks on hole 4. or maybe it is about clearing the bog by tomahawking that disc as hard as i can.

this game to me has been such a great detox from life. i encourage you that if you don't know about it or haven't experienced it. one, either get ahold of me and i will go with you, or two, check it out sometime. 

too much work, not enough play. but i am changing that slowly. 

-peaks out

scorched places.

so for about a week now i have been experiencing something like nothing i have ever known. a numbness in my emotional sphere. 

i have to explain myself for i understand that this sounds complex. i am a sensitive, extreme person. in that, i often have found myself to be violently passionate whether it is extreme anger or it is soulful sobbing. i have never feared emotion. however, i realized that the deeper side of emotions, which transcend the platonic emotions that we normally contrive, have been moved and touched in my life. there are deeper emotions, i think ones that are only experienced in the spiritual part of our being that reject extremes and instead cause balance to occur in us. i have been in this furnace of sorts that have been bringing my extremes to become dull. i have been rather frustrated with it all; however, i know that this is a good thing to find more balance in my extremes. 

this verse came to mind as i have felt scorched over by God's presence. "and Yahweh will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. and your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets to dwell in." 

i was just amazed at this relevant verse right now. as i have felt scorched and numb to a degree, i am finding encouragement in the fact that  those burned, numb places will be satisfied and then life will begin to grow and that through that, i will be rebuilt, the right way and will be able to restore others lives. 

God is resetting my life, emotions, and changing me up. I am eager to be a extension of reparation and restoration. 

- peaks out.

being not doing.

so as of late i have shunned the world of blogging. the main reason is that i have been doing more than being. 

let me explain. i am a doer by nature. i am pretty driven. everything i do it normally has an expediency about it. i walk like a speed walker. i talk like an auctioneer. i think like a computer. i read like a fiend. i am just always trying to work so hard to do so much. probably on the deeper level i am really trying to find worth, value, appreciation, respect, etc., from the things i do. what a worldly concept, that you are only as valuable as you consume and produce. this is an area that i have been weak in for years. i constantly revisit this conundrum and find myself staring at it in the face today. 

so the Lord totally reminded me of this teaching i heard when i was a sophomore in college. this teaching was given by a worship leader that i highly respected and admired. he began to talk about what the difference is between being and doing. he talked about how a good father doesn't care whether you do or do not. he cares about you regardless, because he is your father. he likened this to God and that God doesn't expect people to do stuff for him, but he desires them to be who they were created to be. the incredible thing about this thought is that he returned to genesis 1 and showed about how God created in the "be"ginning. although this was a bit corny, as he spoke it really began to unravel. 

look at the words that begin with "be." beginning, begat, belong, become, before, being, believe. all of these words start with being. this speaker was by no means negating doing the work of God, but being must be the antecedent to doing. he really challenged my thinking about this and realized that we were never called human doings. we are called human beings. because we exist without work. this is where we must return in our lives to be synchronized with Yahweh God. Yahweh is the personal name of God that speaks of his name meaning the all existent one or the always being one. when we be we will become like him. when we buy into the thought that being is about becoming in alignment with God in his existence. 

the words in English about this: being, be, is, are, were, was, etc. are all called "being" verbs. "being verbs" are about a state, not an action. they actually are normally equalitative. what you "be" is what you are. the word "is" or "be" interestingly enough thus acts as an equal sign. if you say that is this. then that equals this. these are syntactical principles of our words and also our lives. 

Shakespeare said it beautifully. "to be or not to be." we are all confronted with that in our lives. so be, don't do. 

- peaks out.

my recent thoughts...

So I have been putting this off since Sunday and I decided that instead of living in fear of what these concepts could bring, I am going to embrace the things the Lord has been showing me recently. These thoughts started when I was supposed to have a night of worship for our church. I had decided to do a little teaching before the time of music and singing. As I began to survey this topic, God couldn’t have led me any farther from where I thought I might go for a discussion of worship. I wanted to share it with you, because God has been really dealing with me about not communicating what he is doing in my life. I hope you can look past my stream of consciousness thinking and my writing style. I typed this as fast as I could, so please bear through it. I love you all.

Basically, as I started I thought I would go to some of the well known places about worship, you know, psalms, the tabernacle, all things that every good worship major comes into contact with in school. However, as I began to look into the word worship, I found that the first mention of the word “worship” was in a rather strange story. It was Genesis 22.5, which is the story of Abraham, Isaac, and how God had asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac.

As I read this story, I am pulled so many ways thinking about a father having to kill his only Son. The emotion, the pull, the dissonance that was created in that moment where God asked Abraham to give his promise bearing son up. That is what Isaac what, the fulfillment of a promise God had spoken to him. In this situation there are few things that need to be identified as contextually important before I explain what God revealed.

Let me define this word “worship” according to the Hebrew mind and language. The word used in Genesis 22.5, is the word “shahkah,” this word means to bow lowly and to worship something that is superior. In the eastern culture where this story occurred it was imperative for a person who was lesser (in class, age or in title), to bow in reverence and respect to the superior person. So in that culture the whole concept of worship and bowing was more about attitude than a mere action. It was the consideration that you would adhere to a person who was greater than you.

So we have Abraham who is going to worship (attitudinally) the Lord with his son. This introduces another concept in middle eastern thought. Progeny is one of the most important points in that life. For in your ability to reproduce was your ability to spread your name, your beliefs, your life through the extension of your children. This father-son relationship is obviously a theme that recurs in the Bible constantly, always about fathers and sons.

Another contextual concept that appears is the whole concept of covenant. Both sonship and sacrifice were covenantal approaches to life. Sonship fulfills covenant as the son is the promise. And then the sacrifice is a necessity for all who are in covenant which returns to the garden where Adam and Eve had to have a sacrifice for God to have mercy on them and their disobedience. In the situation of a covenant, there is a need for a specific place and time for the sacrifice, and most sacrifices where made upon an altar, again which occurs in this story of Abraham and Isaac.

Now for a little more ground work, we can see and can understand the culture of the day was centered around the deity and thus, when you worshipped a deity, it was all encompassing. In this sense, worshipping a deity, or giving homage or honor was about everything that you do. Every action was correlative to your religion. This eastern mentality believes that everything is spiritual. That every “non-spiritual thing” we accomplish or practice, it has spiritual value and purpose behind it. Everything is spiritual to the ancient near eastern person. This reveals that worship to their mindset would be holistic, involving every parts of who they were.

Due to the fact that we were created beings created by a creator God, who poured out into creation, we find ourselves either holistically worshipping God or worshipping something else. This would basically fall into the category of idolatry. Anytime we are worshiping something besides the Lord, we are committing idolatry. The interesting thing about this concept is that idolatry is not about an object, it is about the failure to listen and hear what God is saying and doing, because if we did, we would have no need for a substitute.

So this is where hearing is juxtaposed into worship. Throughout people’s experiences in the Old Testament and even now, we find that worship occurs when God reveals himself to individuals, and they respond to that revelation. Isaiah 6 is a fantastic picture of this as Isaiah sees the Lord high and lifted up and then he both presents himself for service and for cleansing. This worship attitude/lifestyle comes full circle as we begin to understand that the revelation of God occurs through his Word, his people, and his Spirit. When we come into our lives of serving the Lord, we see that we must hear what he is saying, no matter which of the mediums he might use. In the case of Abraham, he spoke to him through his voice.

As Abraham heard the voice of God and had an attitude of both reverence and fear of the Lord, he was able to hear all that was said and then to act upon it. Although he heard that his son must be sacrificed, he was still able to obey the Lord by having faith and coming into agreement with the promise of God that even if God took his son, God will still extend his family as the sands of the sea and the stars of the sky. As we hear the Lord in our lives, we begin to worship, through obedience.

Only through obedience would we be able to surrender to God. To obey God is definitely a challenge to all of us as we are uncertain of the outcome. However, the remarkable think about obedience is that we are able to be okay with submission to the Lord. As we begin to submit and surrender we end up seeing that my submission to God is not just about submitting to him, but also to others (his people). We come into relationship with others and respond to them as they begin to speak into our lives. We are able to totally surrender to God and yield to both him and others in our worship.

Worship takes on this individual approach and this communal approach, for as I worship God, I am affecting everyone else that I know due to the outflow of my life. There is no worship that is solely toward God. Worship must be experience both in one’s personal life as God works in and through them, however, if those things are not dispensed to others then what is the purpose and benefit. Worship is about me and about us.

So in this thinking, let’s take it all back to Abraham & Isaac. In the sense of doing God’s will and purpose by submitting to his voice, Abraham, was both taking an individual approach to worship and he obeyed God, however, his son Isaac was going to be encouraged and blessed by his father’s obedience. This example revealed that submission was on Isaac’s part in and through Abraham. Crazy that although Isaac didn’t hear God himself, he heard his father who in relationship with the Lord was able to reveal the Lord to him. Isaac and Abraham were about to see God reveal himself again to them through obedience and submission to God’s voice. Through this story, we are watching showing how his relationship works with us. That as we believe his covenant promises and agree with him and what he is saying, we are able to watch our sacrifice become a promise fulfilled. Then we watch God reveal himself to us in a new way of provisionary goodness. Abraham put himself into a position of willingness and an attitude of worship and therefore he saw his worship affect both he and his son for all time.

Let’s take this passage to a new level of understanding: Romans 12:1-2. I know it is a super common passage, but I can’t help but to think that as Paul wrote this under the Spirit’s working, that he wasn’t recalling Abraham. Most of the book of Romans chats about Abraham. Why should Romans 12:1-2 be any different? Well Abraham went to present his Son to the Lord, he was taking action on his son to worship, even when Isaac might not been okay with the whole concept. He trusted his dad. Well God now decides to reveal that we get to present ourselves to him in a living sacrifice. I was blown away to think about how God basically was saying that he no longer needs us to kill ourselves for him, but instead that he wants us to worship him by living all the above concepts of relationship, sonship, covenant, faith, obedience, surrender, etc. It is a reasonable deal for us to listen to what God is trying to do in our lives.

We come and holistically present ourselves to the God we know has promised us life and life more abundantly even if it takes our sacrificing our desires, dreams, promises, because we know that as we obey his voice, his people, his Word that we will not go wrong. Worship is that place where it is all about life and life with God enwrapped in it. I love that worship through music and singing voices this so well. The extension of our hands communicate our surrender, our voice sings truth that agrees with his truth, our faith comes alive as we realize that God is right there in the midst of it. Our experience becomes ones of revelation and response. And our response could be acing a test, loving our friends, sharing the gospel, or any other outpouring you can think of.

There are so many things that come into play with what I am learning. For instance, we are dealing with a formless God (dt. 4) who is jealous of us when we worship anything but him. We are looking at the way Israel was worshipping God individually and through a person, instead of knowing that now God has sent Jesus as our Isaac so that all may be able to experience life. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, there is no life. We also have to consider Hebrews 4 where we can realize that God is totally approachable and we can talk to him about what is going on in His voice, his people, or his Word.

Romans 12:1-2 uses a different word for worship: proskuneo. This word means that basically worship is about service. I love that God totally wrapped all these things into it: we can’t serve until we are able to recognize and have an attitude of whatever you are saying God, I am down with it. I will do it, no matter the cost.

Anyways, this is a lot of ramblin’ about God’s heart to mine and from mine to yours. 

night vision

so last night i was pulled over by a cop. 

first let me tell you that i have a hard time with law enforcement. i always have this sense that they are out to get everyone. i know this is probably untrue, but in my experience, i have always gotten the raw deal. nonetheless, last night i was in a pretty populated area, and this cop weaves over behind me and throws his lights on. 

as i saw the blue, i tried to think what i could've gotten pulled over for, and upon reflection in 1.3 seconds, i couldn't think of a single thing. my mind raced and my heart pumped so much blood to my body that my extremities probably turned red as a ferrari. all of a sudden, a bright toned voice said "license and registration please." As i fumbled in the dark of the my car and my wallet (which is really overloaded with receipts and cards), the officer said to me, "are you an owl." his thought totally distracted me from getting my license, cause i was so randomly blindsided by that comment. he went on to say, "are you a cat or something?" at this point, i had given him my attention instead of getting my license. i answered no, he then continued in the most sarcastic tone i have ever heard and said, "can you see in the dark or do you have night vision." at this point, i was was offended at his condescension. i obviously didn't have night vision. all this to say, he was trying to tell me that my headlights weren't on. 

i laughed so hard when he went back to the car to look me up in his computer. i seriously had to contain myself because i thought, who says that? why so sarcastic? i know it is kinda dumb to not have my lights on, but my car is weird and you can turn the dash lights without the headlights, so i had been in brightly lit areas, so i had no clue (nor did the other 4 people in my car). 

all this to say, i don't have night vision. but watch out for those sarcastic cops, and refrain from telling them that you not only have night vision, but you have x-ray vision cause that was my smart aleck comment i wanted to make to him. thank goodness i didn't, cause i probably would have a ticket right now. he was merciful and i was grateful. God has night vision and he has mercy. thanks goodness. 

- peaks out. 

quotable.

i just received this bookmark in a card from someone and it had an Emerson quote on it. 

as i read that simplistic, but lionized quote, i had an extravagant epiphany. i want to be quotable. maybe not necessarily in the way that my quotes appear on bookmarks and other paraphernalia, but quotable in the sense that people would repeat my thoughts and ideas because they considered them to be novel. honestly, i don't think that our thoughts are often avante garde as we think they are for all things are trite due to the fact that there is nothing new under the sun. that is a whole 'nother conversation that i will relish another day. but back to being quotable, how incredible would it be if you realized that your reinvention of a concept or maybe your phrasing of a principle, thought, or elaborate motif would be able to alter a person's conceived perspectives about life. what if your simple extrapolations about life's idiosyncrasies could change a culture or a nation. i think to men like martin luther king, who probable never imagined that his phrase "i have a dream" would mean much to anyone who was aside of his time and his cause. however, that phrase has survived the annals of time. i hope that i can be a person who can be so wise to concoct the correct words and speak them with such dignity and passion that people recall those things that are voiced, whether they agree or they deny the perspective. 

think, speak, write, quote others, quote yourself. 

- peaks out. 

hair.

so for some reason, i am slightly weird about hair. 

1st, i like changing haircuts as much as possible. i don't know of any reason except that it just brings change into my situation. i am a borderline neophiliac, so that probably has a significant impact on my hair obsession. in this case, i have to constantly garner myself from the attacks of others. people tend to say rather ridiculous things about my hair, or what is done to it. i once had someone told me that my hair communicated that i was passively rebellious. i am consistently amazed at people's ability to judge everything on appearance. 

2nd, i notice girl's hair. pretty regularly i look at girl's hair and think to myself, she is so pretty because of her hair. weird, i know, but my "uncle jesse" syndrome has been active in my life since i got a spike in like 3rd grade. this haircutting lady even gave me a bottle of green goo to keep my hair spikey. it was awesome. nonetheless, i think that we should really learn to look past the exterior of people and find out more about them. just today, i was getting the infrequent hair cut by a "professional" (i prefer people around campus), and she told me about her son and how often he was judged due to his crazy hair. she said something that was really cool. if you want to be avant garde, then you are going to be criticized. however, don't take their role and criticize them for their monotony, just appreciate their differences being different than yours. i guess she is a hair-dicing life guru of sorts. 

so, now i have a little defiance in my walk. i am faux hawked. however, if you don't choose this expression, i still like you and wish you the best. just get to know someone before judging the book by its cover. 

- peaks out. 

birthdays.

yesterday i turned 24. 

it's just bizarre. i don't really know what to make of birthdays anymore. they aren't like you are when you are kid with themes that range from zoo animals to G.I. Joe. then in college it is like block party when someone gets a year older. people you don't even know show up to your parties. it is crazy awesome cool. then you get old. and your party is so awesome it just being a dinner with your family and close friends. they all have their positive qualities. however, i think i always want all of them at once. i want a zoo party where everyone wears masks that they made with construction paper (which is animal shaped) and they have to make noises like their animal if they want cake. i want the mass party where so many people are there you don't know them all, and people don't know who is or isn't the birthday person. with plenty of food of course and ridiculous games. i want the dinner with family and close friends (even if the close friends are partaking 3 hours away). oh wait, i had the dinner with family and close friends. it was awesome. my friends participated from lynchburg, and various parts of the world by facebooking, e-cards, etc. it is awesome. i love people and so thankful for them in my life. 

happy birthday to me.

- peaks out. 

dialogue.

dialogue: the act of exchanging messages with another like party. or something like that. 

i have been realizing of late, that most people do not dialogue about life. instead they are bound to the insignificant verbal contribution to themselves. there is no sharing of valid concepts or truth in one's life with another. it is selfishly hoarded and monitored only for those who have a predisposition for conversation in isolation. there is no value when you have something alone. the same is true when talking. the value is not there unless you have another. this concept is obviously not lucid to the average person, who speaks to themselves as if they can talk and respond to their own questions. this is a lack of tension and a lack of conversation. dialogue only improves the thoughts which one might believe to be novel. jocularly, this is still embraced in theater most of the time where soliloquy abides. still yet, remember that even in soliloquy, that without an audience, it fails to attain worth. dialogue allows for disagreement, for perusal, for extrapolation, when you don't want the extensive thinking and communicating, the ability to sculpt words is not refined when speaking to oneself, for your banal language only becomes more venomous as it poisons your mind with repetition. however, honorable is he who engages with another, whose thought and communications are variegated and formidable to your dialogical monotony. embrace the challenge and the excitement of a conversation. fear nothing in that tete-a-tete, except that by virtue of your open elucidation, you will find yourself being examined both in word, syntax, and logic simultaneously, thus affording you the moment to accept the judgement and the discourse of your self-musings. an invitation into conversation, becomes an request into your personal essence. two is always better than one, both in life and in dialogue. 

- peaks out.

joy.

i heard an interesting quote today: "life is a single skip for joy." 

i am not exactly sure what to make of this, but i definitely think that it encapsulates what the human condition longs for. that is a greater sense of fullness and purpose. joy cannot only be attained when there is an overwhelming sense of perfection. it is not a mere situation of circumstance, but it is demonstrated only in the presence of fullness. there must be absolute unquenchable outflow for joy to be genuine. to think that life is a single skip for joy is probably true in some estimations. however, i am not sure if i enjoy the prominence joy is given. due to the above explanation, joy is still the outflow, not the source. life being found from a source is always relevant to humankind. a single skip. there again is an anomaly. a skip makes the reach for joy sound almost too brief, and maybe too playful. however, the brevity is definitely true. i think a little less jest about skipping might be more appropriate. joy is crucial for all people. so i guess we should skip to it. 

- peaks out. 

confession.

confession is good for the soul.

i am not sure who said that but they were definitely speaking truth. i have often wondered what exactly those words ramifications were upon a person, and recently i have been experiencing it firsthand. i decided that in this time in my life, i was going to confess my failings and my victories in my life to four intensely close friends. i know that this is a seriously hard thing for me to do, because i deal so much with things like acceptance, value, etc. telling people your imperfections basically gives them credo to judge and critique you. however, i have found that the freedom that is found in simple confession is echelons away from condemnation. there is something powerful about writing out your faults daily and looking at them knowing that you are always a work in progress. the intriguing thing about this process for me is that every time i see a weakness, i have been realizing that it is just an exploited strength. these open confessions have been able to lead me to living with a greater realization about how lies can distort my ability into weaponry against myself and others. i surveyed these things only to find that the energy it takes to hide our secret sins is depleting our life. instead if we release those things by verbalizing them to someone who can walk beside us into victory, we are able to capitalize on the life we can live. without all that effort in hiding and covering up, you end up getting grace and mercy from people because they see your honesty and genuineness and they embrace you instead of judging you for elevating yourself. 

this kind of confession brings one of the greatest joys to you that is possible. open and right relationships with others. open mouth, open heart, open love. 

- peaks out. 

little brothers.

every now and then i get this crazy thought in my head and ponder what it would be like without my brothers. 

i have two natural brothers. nic & john are their names. they are basically like peanut butter & jelly, totally different, but totally complimentary. each of them bring a great amount of joy to my life, and occasionally they accompany that joy with grief, but rarely so. they are probably the coolest brothers in the world, very few have such great humor and such awesome hearts. 

nic is only two years younger than i. this definitely lead to much tension to us when growing up, if i wanted to do something, he didn't and vice versa. unless it had to do with ninjas or super-heros, we always were on the same page about that stuff. our perspectives are very different. he is more rational, i am more abstract. he is more chill and i am more spastic. we are pretty much yin and yang about most stuff, but we definitely have a connection that no person can separate. i respect nic because he is so serving and so pastoral. always looking out for people. he knows mercy well and tenderness, and i love him as he is able to do about anything he puts his mind to. he is in radio right now and he constantly impresses me. sometimes i don't want him to know how much i respect him, but i do. i love that kid like crazy. 

john is seven year younger than i, five years younger than nic. he is the baby of the family and we all know it. john is only john to me, to everyone else, his name is harrison. however, that name is modified from Harry, Hare, JH, John Harry, etc, you get the picture. He is the kid which everyone wants to nickname. he is also eccentric like both nic and I, however i think the coolest thing about him is that he is just like me. and just like nic. he is like the perfect blend. he is excessive at times and thinks he is shafted because he is the youngest, but its all in his crazy perspective. he is not just rational and not just abstract, he is not just spastic, he is relaxed to the max. he just has picked up on both of us. the crazy thing is that he looks like me in uncountable ways. people have thought we were twins more times than i can count. he is in high school and i know that he is out of the box for that place, but i am eager to see him flourish at college. 

both my brothers are creative - nic plays like every instrument and is an exceptional writer, harry is a master pianist who is passionate about everything with music. i love them both like crazy and look to a day where we will all work in some capacity together. they are the studs and i am the luckiest brother ever. 

if you don't have brothers, you got shafted. 

- peaks out.

the poor.

today, i was in a public place when lo and behold i saw a sad sight. 

there were homeless people sitting on a bench. they looked sad, jaded, and discontent with their lives, i wondered if they disliked their lifestyle would they still sit there? 

so i have been pondering this for the last 23 minutes and 20 seconds. what does it mean to be poor? who are the poor? what can i do for them? how can i change their lives? 

these are compelling questions filled with argument and debate concerning wonderful things like politics (which i don't normally enjoy), which pit those for and against poor against each other. or perhaps the concepts of comparing the poor here in the US to the poor that i met while i have traveled 3 other continents. or maybe even thoughts flirting with the ideas of "pooredom" being about a state of mind, or a an intellectual battle pervading the minds of these three homeless people i saw instead of a struggle for material. 

i decided that first, i wasn't going to bring politics into it. second, i decided i would not compare people, that removes their personhood and makes them an object. so that leaves me with this idea that being or living poor is about a mindset. i had this extensive conversation with a good friend of mind about how he thought that being poor is a mentality. i am not sure if i agree totally, but here were some thoughts i had: if a person believes themselves to be poor by either what others say (or public policy), or if they compare themselves to other they see, they basically are basing their lives on others, and not from themselves. if this is the case, wouldn't that mean that even if you gave a person all the money in the world, they would still remain poor? maybe some just need a leg up? if we were to give to the homeless, however, when does that end? when does one realize that they are rich because they are alive and that they are rich because they value themselves and that others value them as well? when are there no more poor? all i can say is i don't really know. how can i?  

so my challenge to myself was - talk to these people the next time i encounter them and then perhaps i can understand more about all these things that i currently don't understand. maybe i will figure it out someday. 

- peaks out.