scissorhands. (and a playlist to accompany)

so yesterday i was speaking with a friend of mine after we had worked a lot of the day on homework and somehow i began to talk about a movie quote that I love, 

"i'm not finished" - edward scissorhands

this thought has resonated in my heart and i suppose in my head since then. but in worship tonight it was brought back like a tuning fork struck with such tremendous force that i could barely bear it. i was brought to my knees as i realized that currently i have been really acting "finished." it is almost like my school and my work have been my validation in the aspects of my life, whether it be friends or my relationship with God. tonight, instead of being deluded by my thoughts of "being okay," i found myself realizing the greatness of my need. it was like i looked down and my scissorhands had ruined the real hands God has been trying to give me this whole time. so by my hiding behind the walls of false completion i have missed out on what God wants for me. i've now come to the point that i had to recognize that like it says in psalm 51 that i need Yahweh to rebuild my heart into something new and untainted by my ability, and i need his Spirit to come and refresh my life with its incredible transforming power. i know that he wants to be the giver of unmerited grace and covenant love to me so that he can make me finished apart from me. i'm now okay with the fact that i have scissorhands. one day God will give me those hands and i have so much expectation for today that he will do it in the best time. until then, i will relish my scissorhands. i know that i need a mediator for my life otherwise i cannot be touched or touch others with my life. Jesus is the perfect bubble wrap for my unfinishedness. i revel in him. Son of David have mercy on me. 

- peaks out

scissorhand playlist: 

1. rescue me - adam watts - providence of God played this song on itunes as it was shuffling as i wrote this blog. coincidence, doubt it. 

2. unrestrained - calvin nowell - wow. love it. worship is all about being real and uninhibited. 

3. i am nothing - shawn mcdonald - i am just dust without Christ

4. grace will be my song - fee - "jesus, lover of the weak...with strength to carry me"

5. we need you Lord - jonathan butler - simple declaration of our need

6. grace for me - michael gungor band - "even though i'm not yet flawless, you are forming me, your grace for me is all i need..."

7. to deserve - jonathan stockstill - "with my hands lifted high, i will praise you as king, for what have i done, to deserve like yours"

8. sing my love - kim walker (jesusculture) - song of the overflow

9. take me - worth dying for - "broken for your glory"

10. nothing back - according to john - "take all of me, cause i have decided....all i got and all i am, all my dreams, all my plans, i'm holding back, i'm holding nothing back from you."

11. gazing - future of forestry - "like a child i'm gazing into wonderous grace"

12. only a man - jonny lang - reminder that we are still human.