right now i guess i am experiencing life's little ideas of fun. it's like a bully that won't leave me alone. or maybe someone that won't stop picking on you. hmm, maybe it is more like being kicked in the head and everyone laughing at you. it just seems that everything is against me right now. people, situation, my future, nothing seems to be kind. and unfortunately, i have been acting out. i have not been kind. i have not been loving. i have been harsh. i have been critical and pessimistic. i don't really know exactly how to handle it all. there is so much going on. dear friends are moving on. i'm left here. stability is being shaken. i am the shaking one. people are dying. i have to navigate things without them. every thing's new. i don't know what how to do anything. the pressure, the weight is of epic proportions. i am not strong. i want to trust God, but it is so hard right now. there is nothing to help, nothing to soothe, nothing to heal. it is all just raw. again. unfortunately, this is something that occurs in my life a lot. i don't know why or what it means, but i don't think i have ever had the easy lesson. always the beast of a class, task, adventure, where i have to learn to overcome. like going up a mountain by yourself. i know that this is not true and that there are other people, but i am just blinded to them because of my poor perception. i need to look for the alternative reality that is there outside what i think. my perception is not reality. i am rejecting my perception for a better look. confidence that i can see. i will see. i will know. i am strong. i can abide. i can trek. i believe. i am going to have faith.
- peaks out.
2 comments:
You are in a dessert place, right now. This is when you sink your roots deeper.
Can't help but notice the timing of this post. Thanks for the chat yesterday. I have full confidence that all will be well. We continue taking it one ridiculous moment at a time.
And again...in my imperfection, offering my unconditional full support.
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